So this is the new year, and I don't feel any different

[New Year-Death Cab for Cutie]

ok so its now techinically new years eve. so its time for me to make a some new years resolutions. hopefully i can keep some of them.



1. go to the gym more

2. lose more weight

3. join a club, group, or something other than work and class to get me involved

4. make a new friend

5. go on a date

6. call my Gramcracker more often

7. talk to my besty on a regular basis

8. get good grades this semester

9. get sick less

10. get more sleep

11. study more

12. learn random things

13. balance work and school better

14. try some new things.

15. have fun!

i hope to keep at least one of these :p

You got me trippin', stumblin', flippin', fumblin'.

[Clumsy-Fergie]

i have a new addiction. StumbleUpon. its awesome! you basically dowload the toolbar, pick the topics you are interested in, and go. Stumble finds you random sites related to your interests. it is great. i highly recommend it. everyone, go Stumble!

You dropped the ball, now the game is through.

[Game Is Over-*NSYNC]

today was the last day of this years regular season. yes, this is a blog about football, summing up the highlights of this year and casting my predictions for the post season.



starting with the home team, my favorite, the indianapolis colts. after a rough start this year, the colts finished strong, securing their spot in the playoff last week with a win against jacksonville. today, they skunked the tennessee titans with a 23-0 win. however, they did not win the division as they have done the last five years. next week, they play the san diego chargers on the road to kick off the post season. yes, the colts have beaten the chargers in the regular season, but im still a little worried. but im still gonna have to be loyal to my team and predict that the colts will win.



today, the detroit lions made NFL history. they are the first team to go 0-16. yes, thats right, they lost every single game this season. rock on, lions.

Kudos to the New England Patriots. While they did not make it into the playoffs, they finished their season 11-5. And before you say, "why, thats no big deal," keep in mind they lost their star quarterback very early in the season and had to play their backup quarterback, Matt Cassel. and they still finished 11-5. Does this mean, dare i say it, that perhaps Tom Brady is not all that???

Brett Favre and his Jets finished the season averagely. He is again talking about retirement. I dont believe it for a second.

Aaron Rodgers didnt do half bad as Favre's replacement for the Packers. i say give him a couple of years and Green Bay will be saying Brett Who??

The Cowboys were by far, in my opinion at least, the greatest disappointment of the season. And no, i dont say that only because they were my early Super Bowl pick. They started strong, yet fizzled as the season progressed. Of course, their quarterback, Tony Romo, was out for a few games after breaking his pinkie finger on his throwing hand, but still. After epically failing in their last game of the season against Philidelphia, they failed to make it into the playoffs.

I hope the Colts will win the Super Bowl. i dont know how realistic that is, but a girl can dream right? Go Colts!

Have some more chicken. Have some more pie. It doesn't matter if it's boiled or fried.

[Eat It-Weird Al Yankovic]

tonights random topic is a good one. Mayolers. Mayolers are young Japanese folk who love mayonnaise. im not kidding. these mayolers take mayonnaise consumption to a whole new level. a few popular mayonnaisey treats include the ice cream topped with mayonnaise, chocolate bars dipped in mayonnaise, mayonnaise fondue, mayonnaise milkshakes, and even the mayogarita (yes, thats a margarita with mayonnaise). yummo. there is even a restaurant in japan called The Mayonnaise Kitchen where, you guessed it, everything is made with deliciousm artery-clogging mayo. rock on mayolers, your eating habits are hardcore.

Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

[Unwritten-Natasha Bedingfield]

Today i did something i have not done since august. i finished reading a book just for fun. and what a delightful book it was. seriously, i havent read a book my entire first semster at college. i dont have time. hoorah for christmas break and having enough time to chillax.

My world is changing, I'm rearranging. Does that mean Christmas changes too?

[Where Are You Christmas?-Faith Hill]

today was christmas. and it was not a very good one. i mean it wasnt horrible. but it didnt rank up there in the list of good ones. bob was sick. i am getting sick. mom started to not feel well. usually we spend it with family. but Gramcracker went to florida and my aunt chose to stay home with her new boyfriend. my other aunt and uncle wouldnt come over cuz we werent having a delightfully non-traditional dinner of spaghetti and garlic bread and my stupid aunt doesnt eat that stuff. so it was just me mom and bob. which is ok, just different. and money was tight this year so there werent too many presents. and i already knew almost everything i was getting. i got 4 new shirts. a new hoodie. a new pair of pants. some gloves. a printer. printer paper. and a hundred bucks. which is pretty good, i mean i dont wanna sound spoiled and selfish or anything. i stayed in my pjs all day. and i took a 3 hour nap in the middle of the day. then we had salad, spaghetti, garlic bread, and peach pie. it was pretty much the best christmas dinner i have ever had though. seriously, why does the joy of christmas start to fade away? its a gradual thing as you get older. christmas has always been my favorite holiday. in years past, i would wake up at the crack of dawn and scamper about the house waking up various family members in a fit of excitement. this morning, mom came in and told me to get up and i grumbled "it will still be christmas at noon. now leave me alone." i never used to be like that before. but slowly over the years it grew into that. i had less spirit this year. its just depressing really. and now that christmas is over, im sad that i missed all the spirit i should have had but didnt. its quite sad. maybe next year ill be better.

So take me back to Constantinople. No, you can't go back to Constantinople.

[Istanbul (Not Constantinople)-They Might Be Giants]

time for tonight's random search. tonights topic: snakehead fish. snakehead fish are native to asia, but somehow made it over here to the US. and what, you might ask, makes these fish special and worthy of a mention in my blog? these fish are freakin crazy. they are like super fish. i kid you not. they have sharp teeth and they bite people. they are smart for fish. they hate to be caged and do just about anything to escape. they can survive outta water for three days and they can squiggle across land. they have gills and almost-lungs. and they are scary looking! oh the things i stumble across....

Tell my mother, tell my father I have done the best I can

[Second Chance-Shinedown]

i got my first semester grades today. they were AMAZING! i was super suprised.

Math-A

Engineering126-A

Chemistry-A

Engineering100-Pass

Engineering104-A

Physics-A-

i was so happily suprised. i couldnt believe it. thank you God. my GPA is a 3.94. not to shabby if i do say so myself. next semester is gonna be so hard though. ugh. but ill be ok. i made mom and bob so proud with my grades. that made me happy too. mom told me i should call my dad and tell him. but i refused. right before i went to college, he told me he wanted access to my grades to check up on me, "to make sure he was making a good investement" in my college education. he doubted me. my own father doubted me. well, he can take his stupid doubt and shove it. 3.94 baby. hows that for an investment???

All together, this and that. With all our tricks, we're making Christmastime.

[Making Christmas-The Nightmare Before Christmas]

oh, btw... its almost christmas!!!!!!!!

Somebody get me through this nightmare.

[Animal I Have Become-Three Days Grace]

like i mentioned in my previous post, sometimes i just randomly search random topics to learn stuff about them. so i thought i would share. tonights random search: necrorizing faciitis, aka flesh eating disease/flesh eating bacteria. which is actually a misnomer. the bacteria doesnt actually "eat" the skin. the bacteria release toxins that destroy the surrounding tissue. you can find some of these troublesome little bacteria in ocean water, sea critters, people with strep A, or even in your own intestines. how weird. and interesting. and thoroughly disgusting.

I know you wanna leave me, but I refuse to let you go. If I have to beg, plead for your sympathy, I don't mind 'cause you mean that much to me.

[Ain't Too Proud to Beg-The Temptations]

so often i get these weird impulses to look up random stuff on the internet and read about it. seriously, its always fairly random. but it makes me learn stuff. past topics have included rogue waves, industrial piercings, and bubble tea. Tonight i read short biographies about the members of the oldies group The Temptations(hence the classic Temptations song as my title). interesting stuff. just thought id let yall know :)

You're hiding regret in your smile. There's a storm in your eyes that's been passing for awhile.

[Lie-David Cook]

today i decided to clean out my voice mail mailbox thing. see, im really bad about getting a voice mail, listening to it, then hanging up the phone before deleting it. or sometimes, i purposely save certain messages because of their sentimental value. at any rate, i decided to listen to all my old messages and get rid of the ones i didnt need. there were a few that i had just forgotten to erase: one from mom reminding me to bring something home, one from dani telling me to call her back, and things of that sort that i simply erased. there were other ones i kept because i meant to keep them: a funny message from my best friend meghan, a sweet message from an old friend angie, and a few others i resaved. but by far, the greatest number of messages on my phone were voice mails from my dad. and i said to myself, "Self, why do you have all these messages from dad on the phone?" and deep down i knew. now bear with me, im about to go all Dr. Phil on ya. almost all of my dads voice mails were super sweet, telling me how much he loved me and how proud he was of me, telling me how much he missed me and how much he wanted to see me. and i had saved all these messages because i thought thats what i wanted to hear. i thought that i would save all these messages of him saying these things and that would somehow fix everything between me and dad, that just cuz i had messages of him saying these words that it automatically made the words true. but then, as i listened to all these messages, i realized that the words were just that: words. empty words. words are meaningless unless there are actions to back them up. and the fact is, my dad had rarely produced any actions that back up his words. and all the time i had been saving those messages, i had been holding on to little falsities cuz i wanted them to be true. but ya know what? im done with them. i erased all the messages. well, all except one. the one message i saved from him is the one he left me the day after i confronted him about him taking mom back to court and told him how it upset me. we fought and i hung up on him and wouldnt speak to him. he called me and started out apologetically, but at the message went on, he got angrier and angrier. he started to criticize me for disagreeing with him. he said things that almost seemed like he was trying to draw me back into the fight. and i feel like that message outta all of them most accurately portrayed him. i saved that one to remind me of the real him. and one day i know i need to let go of that one too. but not yet.

And maybe somday we will meet, and maybe talk and not just speak

[Same Mistake-James Blunt]

so there is a boy. and no, this is not some post dedicated to my newest crush. to be honest, i have never met this guy. and no, this is not some random creeper i met on the internet or anything. he is a friend of a friend. Michelle (ill call her that too, refer to allies Inspiration! post) has been telling me all about this guy, Paul. and Paul claims to be in love with Michelle. they met through a mutual friend, and he fell for her. problem is, she was already (and still is) in a serious relationship with another guy. so Paul has a classic case of epically bad timing. so anyways, she has been telling me about him and how sweet he is. and i jokingly said she should let me have him cuz she clearly doesnt need him. so she gave him my number and he suprised me one night by texting me. and we talk sometimes. and he intrigues me. he seems like a nice guy. a nice guy with terrible self esteem. he seems to base his entire self-worth on the fact that Michelle doesnt return the affection. and he makes me sad. very very sad. kinda because i can see a little of myself in him. he breaks my heart a little every time we talk. he says the most sadly beautiful things. the other night i was talking to him on the phone, and i was going all Dr. Phil on him, and he said "i want to tell you something right now." and i said "ok go ahead." and he said "but i dont know how to say it." and i said, "well just try." and he said "promise you wont judge me." and i said "of course i wont judge you." and there was a very long silence. and he said "nevermind, i cant." and i said "its ok, you can tell me." and another long silence. and he blurted out "im so high right now. i do this all the time. i dont know why. and im afraid to tell Michelle." and i was shocked. i was shocked partly by this admission, but also because he trusted me with this secret that he wouldnt even tell the girl he cared about. he trusted me not to judge him. and i didnt really know what to say to him. a few minutes after we hung up, he texted me. and he said "you hate me now dont you?" and that broke my heart most of all. how could he think that just cuz of that admission i would hate him? no way. and i told him that. i dont hate him. its not my place to judge him and his past times. i really appreciate more that he trusts me enough to tell me things (or lets the drugs speak for him) and that he cares what i think about him. i hope that i can continue to talk to him. and maybe i can meet him one day.

Hold on, feeling like I'm headed for a breakdown.

[Unwell-Matchbox Twenty]

finals week=hell. it has driven me to the brink of tears. im am so worried about my calc final tomorrow. i have been studying all day. i have done 24 pages of practice problems and i dont feel like im any better off than when i started. the last parctice exam i took i got a whopping 10/25. thats pure failure right there. im so afraid i will fail this class. or ill do bad in it and everything will spiral out of control. if i get less than a C in one of my core engineering classes, i dont get to pass outta first year engineering. if i do pass but get a bad grade, my GPA will be low and i will lose my scholarships and wont be able to afford to go to college here. and thats no exaggeration. and im so stressed out cuz i have so much to do to prepare for my exams but not enough time. i need to study math for like another 6 weeks to be ready for this exam. i need to make my physics crib sheet. i need to study chem. oh, and my roomie expects me to teach her an entire semester of chem even though she didnt teach me math like she promised. i have three exams in the next two days. oh, and i also have to fit in eight hours of work. tomorrow i have to wake up to go study physics from 10:30-12:30. then a little study time. fail my math exam from 4-6. go to work from 6:30 til close. come home, study for tomorrows exams, make my crib sheet. wake up the next morning to fail my physics exam from 8-10 am. go to work from 11:30-3:30. then a little more down time to study. then hopefully do well on my chem exam from 7-9 pm. and i am stressing out bug time cuz there is not enough time. and im so stupid. i just cant get the hang of this math stuff. and i dont wanna fail. please God let me do well.

When you run come around, cuz I know you're the talk of the town yeah. Whoop Whoop!

[Calabria-Enur]

so tonight i went to a friends Christmas party. and i had fun. i was pretty happy cuz i have never been invited to many parties (this was competely non-alcoholic btw). who am i kidding? i have never had many friends to invite me to parties. but anywho, this girl i work with, tabatha, invited me to this little Christmas party she was having. and even though i should have been studying or working, i deicided to go anyways. we baked cookies and watched movies and such. just kinda hung out. it was cool. and i always fear being socially awkward at parties and such but it was ok. i felt accepted. tabatha is so nice. im glad i met her. she had really brought me into the group and im very grateful. silly jayne left the tanks lights on so when we tried to leave tabatha's, the car battery was dead. and unfortunately, it is very very hard to jump a beastly 1980s cadillac. so some nice girl from the party gave us a lift back to jayne's apartment. we played apples to apples and i met all jaynes friends. i was much more socially awkward there, but they were all pretty nice.

unfortunately, siince the dead car was still at tabatha's, jayne could not give me a ride home. and i didnt really wanna walk home in the cold so i called the girl next door. but she told me to go catch a bus. i was pretty mad at her. seriously, i help her out. and i have helped her out in a very similar situation. and she also asked me for a favor, that i teach her chemistry tomorrow. but she wouldnt help me out. luckily i got a ride home from some weird guy i didnt know or i woulda had to walk home. i was pretty mad at her. everyone should read allie's blog about it.

then i got home and katie invited me upstairs to play apples again with her and mandy and parker and brendan. it was fun. i like them. i feel like i have alotta friends here. and i go out and do more stuff now than ever before. last night i was invited to the 5 Dubs dance party (It was legit!) and i went to that. i was super super awkward cuz i have no idea how to dance. but i slowly warmed up.

now its time to sleep. and tomorrow, hardcore study for finals. night all :)

Free love on the streets, but in the alley and I ain't that cheap

[I Don't Care-Fall Out Boy]

ok so i havent posted in a very long time. so, lets see, what has been going on? ummm i just got back from Thanksgiving break. it was not too bad, but it needed to be longer. i got together with the whole fam for thanksgiving. i was grilled in the most awkward fashion on thanksgiving... about sex and skittles. yeah, weird. then the fam chilled for a while and then after all the cooking and cleaning and visiting and stuff it was over and i chillaxed. i had two starbucks nights with my friendsys back home. and no wing days :(. ummm jen and dani visited me at purdue for a weekend. we won the IU-Purdue game in a major victory. what else what else? i realized that as much as i love my parents and home, im glad to be on my own here at college. my roomie's gpa died and so i have to keep her busy. i have an exam on wed. tomorrow is gonna be busy. i might go shopping for Christmas stuff this weekend. bridgette is having two friends in this weekend too. and im uber tired so im bouts to go to bed. so thats a quick recap of everything.

I would tell how I think you fell from the sky

[You Make Me Smile-Blue October]

i had a good night. it was funny. it made me happy. that is all :)

I'm gonna smile because I deserve to

[Better in Time-Leona Lewis]

ok so i had the most heartbreaking experience on friday night. so after class me and my friend kaleigh went to get starbucks. and the guy i like was at work. so i was gonna stop and say hi, but he was busy so i stopped to talk to this other guy instead. real nice guy btw. anyways, as im standing there talking to him *cough* (lol carrie understands this) walks by. and out of the corner of my eye, i see him staring at me. and im thinking "ok, weird, whatever." so i just keep talking. then he kept walking by. and he would stop and glare at me. and it was a little unnerving. at one point he was just standing there glaring at me for quite some time. so i turn from the guy im talking to so i could say hi so that maybe he will stop glaring. but when i look at him, turns and stalks off before i can say anything. so i was a twee bit upset by that. like seriously, how is he about to just be like that?? and kaleigh was standing there the whole time and as we walked off she was like ".....was that the guy you like?" and im like "yeah." and she was like "wow....does he treat you like that often? cuz if he does, thats a bad sign sweetheart." so its not like i was just imagining it. she saw it too. and so i was a little hurt. well later that night, rebecca texted me and asked if i wanted to go bowling, which is also at the union. and i went there and met her. she was sitting at starbucks. we were standing there talking and i could see him out of the corner of my eye. and i had decided not to speak to him at all cuz he was being weird earlier. so i could see him outta the corner of my eye and he was glaring at me. i mean straight up glaring. and i kept talking to rebecca and he just kept glaring. never took his glaring eyes off of me. so finally, im getting really mad, so i turn around and kinda do the the little "hey whats your deal" shrug/wave thing. and he death glares at me. seriously, if looks could kill, i would be dead. he hardcore death glares at me. and i thought he was gonna ignore me, but then he waves and glares more. and i was just so upset i stomped off. and even rebecca said "wow, what did you do to that guy? he looked super mad at you." seriously, how is he just gonna be so mean to me like that? we were cool thursday night. seriously, thursday was a good night, but on friday he was being so mean. i was pretty sad. why did he glare at me? :(

I watch the ripples change their size but never leave the stream

[Changes-David Bowie]

obama won. first off, congrats to the new president and good luck in fixing the mess. i cant say that i am particularly happy about the outcome, but what can i say? im not gonna be a sore loser about it. i had a choice and i had the power to make my choice known by voting. i excercised that power. as did many other people. and through the democratic process of voting a president was chosen. so now the best thing to do is just to accept it and move on. i truly hope he can fix the country's problems. do i think he can? eh. maybe. itll help that both the president and congress majority are democrats. but really, our system is designed so that its very difficult to change things majorly in a timely fashion. also, i believe that people have unrealistic expectations for our president-elect. its like they expect him to walk into office in january and fix everything in a week tops. well, heres the thing. it took us ten years to get into this mess; he will not fix it overnight. i hope people do not become disenchanted with their new leader.

however, i would just like to say: PEOPLE, CALM DOWN. yes, i realize this is making history and all that. but it is just a presidential election. we do this every four years. so, to the people screeching in the union: CALM DOWN. to the couple furiously making out in the dining room after the announcment of his election: SIMMER DOWN. to the large group of people doing the can-can on the side of the road: KNOCK IT OFF. you all look retarded. and im not saying this as a "im mad my candidate didnt win" person. im saying this as a "im a sane and rational individual" person. seriously folks. tone it down.

well, whatever happens, itll be interesting. thats fersure.

Dear Mr. President, you'd never take a walk with me, would you?

[Dear Mr. President-Pink]

ok so today is now election day. and so i decided i needed to make a post about all the political craziness that has been going on and my views on it.

before i get started let me clarify a few things. one, this post is not meant to endorse or condemn any candidate. second, contrary to popular belief, i am not a republican and this is not some post all about my support of McCain or Obama bashing. i vote for the person, not the party and i believe that people who vote solely based upon party are silly. do i tend to favor republican beliefs more often than i echo democratic sentiment? yes. but i am no staunch republican. this post is in reguards to all the hype and practice surrounding this election.

first of all, i will be so glad when election day is finally over, no matter who the winner is. i am so tired of the seemingly endless propoganda for one candidate or another. i hate that my tv is an endless stream of political commercials. they are tiresome. maybe i just want to watch a little tv without my corneas being constantly assualted by campaigning politicians who do nothing but sling mud at their competitors. maybe i want to walk to class without having to step over a hundred "Barack the Vote!"s or "NObama '08"s. maybe i would like to be able to walk around campus without student campaigners stalking me trying to get me to wear their stupid Obama pin or their stupid McCain sticker. i dont want to. i have my choice and you have yours. leave it alone. on a side note, i have a hunch that the "annoy the voter until they cave in and vote for your candidate" approach rarely works. so stop it. stop following me around, stop calling me, stop leaving me flyers, stop knocking on my door, stop posting it in your facebook status (Seriously guys, how many people say "Well, im voting for this candidate cuz my friend's facebook status told me to!"). let me vote in peace.

that said, kudos to all the people who will actually go out and vote in an educated manner. i am a firm believer that it is your duty as an american citizen to vote. if you dont vote, you give up any and all rights to complain about the way things are going in the country. you had a chance to try and change it, but you forfit that chance if you dont vote. but seriously people, be an educated voter. be an informed voter. know what you are voting for. of course, it is your right to vote for whomever you choose for whatver reason your choose, but ignorant voters annoy me. know your candidate's stance on issues. have a reason for why you are voting for that person for goodness' sake. For example, i have a friend (who shall remain nameless) who is voting for Barack Obama. ok, fine and dandy. when you ask said friend, however, why she is voting for him, she says "because he has good plans. and i like his stances on issues." ok, again, fine and dandy. but ask her "like what? what are some of his ideas and stances that you agree with?" and she has no answer. she doesnt really know. thats just ignorant. and another one i hear alot, "Im voting for Obama because Bush is a terrible president (by the way, i have an entire set of views on the whole Bush situation as well. while i do not believe Bush has been the greatest of all presidents, i do believe he takes more flak than he actually deserves. I may very well blog about this in a subsequent post.)" hmmm.. last time a checked Bush wasnt running again. how can you judge one candidate based upon the shortcomings of an entirely different person? you cant really. could i say, for example, "im never going to another male doctor again because i went to a male doctor and he gave me the wrong diagnosis. i mean, he is a male, and a doctor, therefore all male doctors must share the inability to be a good doctor."??? no, i couldnt say that. that would just be silliness. so how could i say, "Bush, a Republican, is a terrible president so im not going to vote for McCain because he is also a Republican and would therefore be a bad president as well." that is terribly ignorant. if you examine McCain's policies and decide that his policies match those of Bush, then you have a valid reason for not voting for him. but using the above statement as your justification if just plain ignorant.

ok i think im about done now. as i pack it up for the night, id like to say this: good luck to both candidates. good luck to whomever wins. the winner has a hard road ahead of him fixing this mess. i do not envy him and all the work and criticism he will have to face in the future. so goodnight all, and happy election day.

Your train of thought will be altered, so if you must faulter be wise

[Disturbia-Rihanna]

it was a pretty good day today. halloween and all. lots of interesting costumes. some random stuff happened too. i got two free hugs from a group of random asians in animal costumes. i should never have made eye contact. that night i went to the union and had my picture taken with a group of friends and this indian guy dressed as dracula posed next to me and i was his victim. i then found out that he was in no way affiliated with the group of friends i was with. he was just a random guy who walked into our picture. and later, he found me and stopped me and asked for another picture with me. it was weird. but it was a fairly good day.

Head for the hills, the kitchen's on fire!

[Everything is Alright-Motion City Soundtrack]

today was like the most ridiculous day at work ever. so there used to be three people that worked P&M and a fourth came in later. then one girl traded shifts. so only me and another guy have to run it until the third girl comes in at 12:30. and its very difficult to run with only two people. well today, asad, the guy who normally runs it with me, called in sick. so i was alone. Su helped me most of the time, but a few times she got called up front to help. and those were the worst times cuz i had to run it all by myself. and it is so difficult cuz you have to make the salads, run register, keep things filled, and wash bowls. and that cant all be done at the same time. and the girl who is supposed to come in at 12:30 couldnt come in til 2:3o today. plus, su was getting on my nerves a little cuz she came back to this area she rarely works and started rearranging stuff and messing up my system. the thing is, i work there all the time so i know how things go. so it was so annoying when she messed with things. i told her to knock it off. after su left, lindsey helped me. and she was much better. she didnt annoy me at all. and the pizza maker guy, john, helped me too cuz he is pretty nice.

oh speaking of pizza makers named john (there are two btw, an older black one and a younger white one. the one mentioned above is the older black one. the one im speaking of now if the younger white one.) anyways, todayhe was standing at the table in the back and i decided to be nice so i walked up and was like "Hey, hows it going??" and he turned around, looked straight at me, and walked me off. i was so mad. why did he do that to me???

anyways, people just got on my nerves today. for one, i hate when people come through line talking on their cell phones. you can stop talking for 10 seconds, long enough to place an order and pay without that stupid thing glued to your ear. it is so rude and annoying. second, i hate when foreign people come through line and get upset with me cuz they cant speak stinkin english. it is not my fault you dont know the difference between "would you like black pepper on that?" and "would you like a drink today?" so dont get snappish with me people. third, two women came in today complaining that the chicken on their salads was too cold. is it just me or isnt it supposed to be cold? it is, trust me. so lindsey heated it up. and then they complained again. she came back and said "this is still very very cold. dont you have a microwave!?!?" well, lemme see. yes we do have a microwave. and yes it is very cold cuz it just came out of the refrigerater. duh. so i microwaved it for a very long time, til it was super hot. just so they couldnt complain that it was too cold anymore. stupid women. and i worked an extra half hour til the next girl came in. seriously, it was ridiculous. we need more help. im starting to hate working on weds. but i love working thurs night :)))) cant wait til tomorrow night :))))

Stacks on deck. Patron on ice. We can pop bottles all night.

[Whatever You Like-T.I.]

so im pretty sure i put the smack down on my chem 115 exam tonight. i feel rather confident. so hopefully i did amazing cuz i really need a good exam grade to boost my confidence at the moment. i should get my grades back in a couple of days. so eep your fingers crossed. after the exam me and some friends went to starbucks. im happy. i feel like i have alotta friends and it makes me feel good. i think college has been good for me. socially at least. not mentally. but anyways, i need to sleep now cuz i have work in the morning. but i was just so excited about my exam going well that i had to tell you all. night.

The disease is growing; it's epidemic. I'm scared there ain't a cure.

[Stupid Girls-Pink]

so i had my engineering 126 exam tonight. i knew it was gonna be bad, but it was pretty darn bad. there were alot of things i just had no idea about. and not only did i miss those things i didnt know, i screwed up easy things cuz of stupid stupid errors. i feel stupid. stupid math errors. gah! so mad. and tomorrow i have a chem exam that i havent studied for yet. but im so tired and im going to bed instead of studying like i should. and i have a feeling i might do bad on the exam cuz of it. gah! whats wrong with me? i feel so stupid. college makes me feel so stupid. and its not that i dont pay attention. and its not that i dont study. cuz i do both. but its just not working :( i just want to do well in my classes. and its not working. and that frustrates me. and makes me feel dumb. stupid stupid stupid.

Downtown lights will be shining on me like a new diamond ring.

[Waiting-Green Day]

so i do believe i was stood up tonight. it was quite tragic really. it was homecoming weekend so there was a parade and a pep rally. and i wasnt gonna go cuz i had nobody to go with. then this guy in my physics class said to me "hey you going to the parade and rally thing tonight?" and im like "nope wasnt planning on it." and he was like "why not?" and i was like "eh, nobody to go with." and he was like "well, you could go with me." and i was like "yeah. i think i could do that :)" and he was like "ok give me your number and ill call you tonight." so i gave him my number and he was like "ok ill call you tonight." and i waited. and waited. and he never called. very depressing really. boys are gay. ugh.

so i decided not to wallow in self pity, so i rounded up the girls left in the building, me and liz and katie. and yanni came over and rebecca did too. and we decided to go out. we went to starbucks and then to chauncey for food. and we got rained on and stuff. but it was fun really. then we came back to my apartment and played apples to apples til 3 am. and we had so much fun. we laughed so hard. it was crazy.

I saw you walking down the hall, and I had alot to tell you but I didn't think you could say it better.

[Amazing-Josh Kelley]

so work tonight was super busy. there were exams tonight so people came to eat before and after the exams. plus we were down a person tonight and that made it all the worse. yet, due to a certain ridiculously attractive coworker of mine, we still got out on time. but because we were so busy i didnt get to see him much. which is sad :( i did see him a little but when i did see him i think i didnt make the most of it. well, first of all, i found what he was doing to be endearingly annoying. i was super super busy, the line was huge, and he kept coming to the front to say stuff to me. he would just hover there beside me while i was waiting on customers until i was like "mhmmm what?" and he would say something and then leave, only to return later. it was annoying cuz i was really busy and he was being uber distracting but it was cute cuz he was so adorable, standing there in his silly dish apron, waiting to talk to me. sometimes i think i said the wrong thing though. like once he came up there to ask me if a knew that knives didnt go in the sink. and im like "yes, clearly, thats common sense." and he still just kinda stands there like "oh well i found these in the sink and i just wondered if you knew that." and the line is getting longer and im like "yes i know," and then i started thinking he was blaming me, cuz he used to do that alot, and so i was like a little snappy, like "yes i know. and i didnt put them in there ok? it wasnt me." and then he was all like "oh oh i know, i wasnt saying it was. i think it was somebody else." and then he left. bad move on my part. being a snappy is not a good way to win him over. and it kinda went on like that for a while. and now im like annoyed with myself cuz i always complain he doesnt talk to me enough and then when he tries i get annoyed. i think it will be ok though. he'll get over it.

on another note, i tried to be nicer to this other guy at work. the other day he came through line when i was working, and i got a little confused and was asking some other person i work with a question. and the guy in line rattled off the answer to my question. and i laughed and said "haha i love it how you come over here and do my job better than i do." and he got really quiet and was like ".....well...i work here...ya know?" and he said it like he honestly believed i had no idea he worked there. and i was just like "i know." i mean, seriously, i work with this guy two days a week. how could i not know he works there? the way he said it just made me very sad though. but then i realized i dont really ever talk to him, or pay him any mind, or anything at all cuz im so wrapped up in trying to impress my devilishly good looking coworker or just generally joking it up with this other guy i work with that i dont really pay much attention to him at all. so i made it my new goal to pay more attention to him. and tonight i think i did that pretty well. i joked with him a bit, about the pizza he burned to a crisp. and he joked with me about a stupid question i asked him. and he is really very nice. so from now on im gonna be nicer and make sure he knows i know he exists.

I hit the highway, making money the fly way, but there's got to be a better way, a better way, better way, yeah.

[Wanna Be a Balla-Lil' Troy]

first off, i dunno what the title has to do with this at all. i just felt random today.

ok so its post number 50. thats pretty cool. and since i recently joined a group on facebook entitled "my best friend and i have conversations that are impossible to understand" im gonna devote this post to, what else, things my friends and i say that outsiders dont understand. im talking inside jokes. i love them. they are delightful. so here are 50 of my favorites, in no particular order. and people who arent the people mentioned next to a particular joke will have no idea what i am saying. and i like it that way.



1. Bitch-skedadle (Me, Jen, and Dani)




2. Mr. Green-Van-da-Man-Man-Vandy-Man.... (Me and Jen)




3. Da-dum. Da-dum. *GLOMP* (Me and Carrie)




4. Giant cheese-gratery deaths (Me and Willis)




5. Fiends (Me and Dani)




6. Mr. Takashima (Me and Justin)




7. Living on the international date line (Me and Meghan)




8. Hi, my name is boobs (Me and Jen)




9. WIINGS! WIIIIINGS! (Me, Jen, and Dani)




10. Nontraditional games of Guess Who (Me and Justin)




11. Christmas lights (Me and Shannon)




12. Clown Punching (Me and Justin)




13. "I swear i saw a squirrel wearing a t-shirt!!" (Me and Meghan)




14. The Bitch and Yes-Man (Me and Kayla)




15. A. B. C. D. E. F.....et cetera (Me and LeAnne)




16. Professional Bear-Ripper-In-Halfer (Me and Jen)




17. That pony ain't nice (Me and Justin)




18. Step-and-a-half (Me and Dani)




19. Red-haired Witch Boy (Me, Justin, and Raver)




20. The moon (Me, Carrie, Justin, and Dani?)




21. Yeeaaaaahhh (Me and K.C.)




22. Manly hunting! and fishing! Manly hunting and fishing! (Me and Jen)




23. Affectionate yet insulting names that are not appropriate to actually write out (Me and Ann)




24. 666ing things at a Christian Bookstore (Me and Jen)




25. Purple-Cow-Moosy-Thing! (Me and Dani)




26. Rifling (Me and Jen)




27. Crocodiles and alligators (Me and Justin)




28. Easy Mac (Me, Jen, and Dani)




29. Evading the police (Me and Jen)




30. Speaking in extended, Dr. Phil-esque metaphors (Me and Justin)




31. Bless you. Don't you bless me. I dont wanna be blessed. Too bad, Im gonna bless you anyways (Me and Willis)




32. Flailing? (Me and Jen)




33. Pickle birthday cards (Me and Meghan)




34. Feen and Pickle Head (Me and Tiffany)




35. Yelling country names as a sign of a particular approaching creeper (The Wall group)




36. CSI (Me and Justin)




37. The Personality Disorder Rangers (Me, Justin, Ann, and Beth)




38. I'm the only gay eskimo (Me and Meghan)




39. Walk-home buddies (Me and Carrie)




40. Tard-parking it up (Me, Jen, and Dani)




41. Cripple carts (Me, Jen, and Dani)




42. I see lots of water (Me and Adam)




43. How do you play darts with a baby??? (Me and Justin)




44. Starbucks nights (Me and Carrie)




45. Green lifesavers (Me and Dani)




46. You are the spoon to my soup (Me and Kyla)




47. Breaking into Ethel look-alikes (Me and Jen)




48. Corn, Kansas, and Nebraska (Me and Justin)




49. Magical midgets riverstomping on our pancakes (Me and Jen)




50. AAAAAAANNNNNNTTTTTOOOOOONNNNNN!!!!!! (Me and Dani)

The broken locks were a warning. You got inside my head.

[Broken-Lifehouse]

so im pretty darn mad. my ipod is broken. it just stopped working. well, it actually plays 2 songs outta 749. but it wont play the other ones. and i reset it like a billion times. but that didnt help. so i need to restore it, but all my itunes stuff is on my home computer. so i have to wait awhile. crap. its too silent in my apartment without it.



if thats not enough, stuff started breaking in my apartment too. the heater in the kitchen doesnt work. and it leaks puddles of water onto the floor. the outlet in the bathroom sparks when stuff is plugged in. oh, and the front window wont shut. so they are gonna have to come fix it. i dont want to seem needy or anything, but i want stuff to work, ya know.

I'll gladly do it because i don't want to fade away

[Bell Bottom Blues-Eric Clapton]

today i did felt super adult-like. the most adult like ever. i voted. i went down to the courthouse and i went into the little booth and i pushed the buttons and pushed the big red button. and i voted. that simple. but i felt very grown-up lol. it was pretty spifftacular. go me.

There are flowers in her hand but she doesnt know why

[Julia-Our Lady Peace]

so my friend tiffany had her baby today. 4 and a half weeks early. tiffany is now a mother. at 17. the baby is gonna be ok. she was on a ventilator cuz she wasnt breathing when she was born. but she is ok now thank goodness. tiffany had to have an emergency C-section cuz the umbilical cord was wrapped around the baby's neck. i had originally gone over to her house to give her the baby shower present i bought for her. and her dad was like "uh shes not here right now. shes at the hospital. she had a baby." so her sister and i went to visit her. i walked to the maternity ward of the hospital and stood outside the glass and looked in at the baby. and newborn babies are really nothing more than red, squinty, squalling lumps, but this baby was the most beautiful red, squinty, squalling lump ever. she was so darn cute and tiny. too bad she doesnt have a chance to be raised right. its rather sad really.

The same energy now's a dead battery

[Hot N Cold-Katy Perry]

did some work around the house today. bleh. worked on my project with my group. bleh. i wanted to use my vacation to just chillax. but i really dont get to when i go home. thats one thing i hate about going home. im so used to be on my own, doing what i want when i want, that its quite upsetting when i go home and they tell me what to do. they make me wake up early cuz im "not gonna sleep the day away." and they make me do all the chores cuz im "not gonna come home and do nothing." but the thing is, if i had stayed at college, i wouldnt have to do any of this crap. so whats the point? i do get my laundry done. and homecooked meals. but still, i shouldnt have to come home and work on vacation. its dumb.

That's all they really want, some fun.

[Girls Just Wanna Have Fun-Cyndi Lauper]

i hung out with my friends last night. it was great i have missed everybody sooooo much. me, carrie, dani, jen, justin, and james starbucksed it up. of course i made a scene when i ran in and violently hugged my daniface. after enjoying our tasty, overpriced beveragi (the plural of beverage), we all went to walmart to chill, as do most bored teenagers in this town. we wanted to go to the tard park but word on the street has it that we will get arrested. so we didnt go there. we played hide and go seek in walmart. carrie sucks at sneaking btw. then we went to the parking lot and watched some guys saran wrap someones car. oh the shenanigans that go down at the local walmart. we took some q-mazing pictures, cleaned the hood of ethel with our pants, and i got my face licked. oh, i also got proposed to that night lol. me and james are gonna get married apparently (i kid).



saturday me jen and dani had a non-thursday wing day. it was q-tastic! we ordered 50 wings. yes 50. and we managed to eat 39 of them. and easy mac (the greatest wing day waiter ever) had one. we seriously horked em down. it was crazy. and we looked very fat. but in my defense i hadnt eaten in a long time so there, they were super tasty. i miss weekly wing days a great deal. i refuse to eat wings when not with dani and jen. i just wont do it. its our thing ya know. i love my friends and our wingity good traditions :)

I would give anything, just to live one day in those shoes

[Be Like That-3 Doors Down]

ugh. im sad. work makes me happy and sad. not being able to snag the guy i want, or any guy at all for that matter, makes me sad. knowing that i pick guys way out of my league makes me sad. knowing that he is leaving not that long from now makes me sad. if i work my normal schedule i have about 8 more nights. the terrible terrible joke that genetics played on me makes me sad. the combination of bad hair and bad everything else is ridiculous. ugh. uuuuuuuugh.

Maybe we'll turn it all around, cause its not too late

[Never Too Late-3 Days Grace]

mkay. so the good news is i dont think i failed my exam. i think i did averagely at least. i surpassed my own expectations at least in the respect that i was able to answer some questions correctly. i thought that i would walk in and not be able to answer a single one, start to cry, fail physics, drop out of college, and work in a fast food restaurant for the rest of my life. ok so maybe thats a little overdramatic but you get the point. but i didnt do that bad so its all good. i think it will be ok. i was worried i was too lost in physics to do any good in the class. but being able to answer some of the questions made me realize with a little extra work i might be able to pass the class with an average grade. hopefully i can. we will see.

I tried to be chill but you're so hot that I melted

[I'm Yours-Jason Mraz]

sadfgadsiuhgasjhgaskjgkjhgdaskj. i just had the best night at work EVER. oh it was delightful. i worked a great deal on my witty banter and it paid off ;) well, i believe he either knew i was sick or gathered from how bad i looked and therefore was uber nice to me. he kept coming up and checking on me, asking me if i was ok and all. and we joked around a little. and he gave me money (no dani, i did not charge him for my services. that boy would not have to pay fersure.) haha some old cougar tipped him the one time that night he worked register while i took a break and he felt bad cuz he got money when i should have. so he gave me half of it. and i dunno, he acknowledged my existance so it was a positively lovely night. i hope it can be like this from now on. and by this i mean not getting ignored. :D so happy.

You left a stain on one of my good days

[Disease-Matchbox Twenty]

so i did really bad on my chem exam. i was really upset. i studied for days. and i still did bad. it was tragic. and tomorrow i am gonna go fail my engr 126 exam. im tired of failing :( but in better news, the curve came back on our math exam. i thought i got a B but cuz of the class average i got an A. go me.

They say quitters never win, but we walk the plank on a sinking ship

[Don't You Know Who I Think I Am?-Fall Out Boy]

so i have an exam tomorrow night. chem. and an exam the next nigtht. engr 126. and an exam a week from wed. physics. im freeeeeaking out man. i should do averagely on chem. im studying alot for 126. im just gonna flat out fail physics. i have no idea how do to anything in that class. it seriously makes me wanna drop outta college. or die. either one. ugh i hate that class. hate it hate it hate it hate it. so im gonna study big time. and maybe that will help. or i might just be incredibly stupid and have to drop out of college cuz i cant pass beginner's physics. either one. welp, im off to bed. i have a doctors app in the morning cuz im feeling mighty unpleasantly ill. so wish me luck on my exams.

I can't take my mind off you, til I find somebody new

[Blower's Daughter-Damien Rice]

so there is this guy. and he confuses me. and i like him. its a mess. ya see, when he is nice to me i am happy. but when he is mean, or just plain ignores me, which the case most of the time, like saturday for instance, i get all sad and depressive and self-hating. ya know the whole "why cant i be prettier, why cant i have a boy, why cant i be skinnier?" sort of thing. not fun. i wish we could at least be friends, or friendly towards each other, or dang, it would be nice if we could just have a normal conversation once and a while. instead, as i do believe i have detailed in previous posts, we just stand around awkwardly, neither of us really saying anything to each other. the thing is, i dunno what to say cuz whenever i say something, its still awkward and so i find it just as easy to not talk. but i really wish i could talk to him, like everyone else does so easily. note to self, work on witty banter. i am an idiot. i should just act natural around him. but the thing is, my natural is awkward and uncool. so thats probably not a good idea. sigh. im wearing makeup to work on thurs. not that it will really help any. but i will do anything i can. ugh. things would be so much simpler if i was thin and gorgeous. and another thing. why dont i just pick myself out an equally unattractive, uncool dork with low standards? that would be much easier. but oh no. that would be too easy. instead, one day it dawns on me "hey, you like that ridiculously attractive, probably attached, guy that ignores you most of the time." and thats just how it happened too. i was standing at the register one night and he walks out to the dining room to clean and instead of doing whatever he went out there to do, he stands there and watches tv. and i stand there looking at him with a big goofy smile on my face. and when i realized what i was doing, all i could think was "well, piss. way to go me. brilliant plan." so yes. its a mess. im in for a lot of self loathing i do believe.

It's 3am, and I finally say...

[Why-Jason Aldean]

its 3am. i am tired. i worked for 11.5 hours today. i have to get up early. im going to bed. ugh.

And I just can't pull myself away

[Closer-Ne-Yo]

i am super duper tired. i should be doing calc hw to prepare for my exam on tues, but the bed looks so darn comfy and im very tired...



i spent my entire day working on hw for one class. 8 hours to be specific. i spent more time on hw for ENGR 126 than i slept last night. thats what i did. all day. 126 hw. oh and we did it wrong anyways. but i dont care at this point. ugh, i hate that class sooooooooooooooooooooo much. i hate it i hate it i hate it.



anyways, im gonna try to get a few calc problems done before i go to sleep. night.

Now that we're here, its so far away

[So Far Away-Staind]

i miss my friends. its quite sad. things just happen every once and awhile that remind me of my friends and then i get all sad and miss them. like last night at work this guy was standing in my way, and he goes "oh, im sorry." and without thinking i go, "oh, you should be." cuz thats what i would say to carrie or justin or dani or something. and they would understand. but this guy didnt understand. and he just stops and stares at me for like a minute like i am the biggest jerk in the whole world. then he goes "your just supposed to accept my apology ok?" and i was like "no, see i was just kidding, my friends and i....ok never mind." and so now im pretty sure he thinks im a big jerk. and it made me miss my friends.

and every time i sit down at my desk i miss my cripple. cuz i have little piles of green lifesavers sitting all over my desk. i always always give the green ones to dani and seeing them sitting on my desk reminds me how far away she is :( Why did we go to college???????? we were supposed to become beach bums together! oh dani. pull a jen and come see me! licenses are just silly suggestions anyways!!!!

ok lovelies. that was my depressing post for the night. dani told me to say something. so i did. now its time for a wee bit of math hw and then sleep. night all.

Awkward you, awkward me, awkward after all this time.

[Awkward-Craig David]

tonight i worked. i normally dont work on fridays but the manager asked me to come in so i did. itll give me extra money, so its all good. i only knew one person that was working that night. josh. and still, i just cant figure this guy out for the life of me. like one minute he is telling me how im doing everything wrong. and then he glares at me cuz he thinks i made i mess when i didnt. but then the next minute he is hetting me a milkshake and smiling at me. bipolar anyone? but every time im around him i get a little more convinced that he cant stand me. and im not sure why. i dont think i have ever done anything to him. maybe its just one of those times when you dislike someone but cant say why. i hope not, cuz i really dont have a problem with him and id like him to not have a problem with me. sometimes i just wanna walk up and be like "dude whats your beef with me?" (haha that was fun to say). whatev. im gonna try not to worry about it.

bad news. carrie and justin were supposed to come visit me next weekend. carrie cancelled tonight. i know she didnt mean it, but i realize now i should have never gotten my hopes up. i was so excited. people just arent dependable. so ill probably work. tabbatha asked me to cover two of her shifts over the weekend and i told her i friends coming to visit so no. now ill go back and see if she still needs them covered. cuz i have nothing better to do now. i wonder who works on sat and sun? and when i say that, i more or less mean i wonder is josh would be working. i doubt it cuz he seems to mostly close. im caught between wanting to not work with him to avoid the awkward, yet i want to be around him to see what is going on. again, whatev.

football game tomorrow. its also parents weekend. my dad and stepmom are coming to visit. eh. so now i need me some sleep. nightl

Music makes the people come together

[Music-Madonna]

so tonight i hung out with the girls from upstairs. they are super cool. their names are mandy and katie. they are fun.



well first i was walking to dinner, sadly alone, and they were just coming back from dinner. and they stopped me and were all like "your eating by yourself?!? no, next time call us. you cant eat by youself. no no." and when i came back from dinner, they were sitting on the front walk in front of our building. and mandy had a guitar. and she was trying to play, even though in reality she doesnt know how. but she was strumming along and katie was singing along. and they were like "seriously, join us. hang with us. itll be fun." so i sat down and chilled. mandy and katie decided to "serenade" every person that walked by. katie was coming up with new, original lyrics. such as "hey boy. i like your green shorts. yeah yeah yeah. id like to see them on my floor yeah yeah." or "hey you. are you ignoring me? are you ignoring me? jeeeeerk!" and stuff like that. most people gave us weird looks or just ignored us completely. a few nice people stopped to chat lol. one guy stopped and hung out with us for a little bit. his name was matt. he was pretty nice. another guy, shane, stopped to sell us cookies lol. it was fun. i think im gonna try to hang out with them more cuz they are cool.

Who has to know the way she feels inside?

[Dirty Little Secret-All American Rejects]

ok, so this was somebodys secret on postsecret this week. but it could have been mine. i totally could have written this. because i sat right there on the couch in my apartment and wished it. i did. and then i heard the news that he had in fact gotten hurt and would be out for the season. then of course i felt terrible cuz it actually did happen even though i know that my wishing had nothing to do with it. but still. its just weird cuz i can identify with so many of the secrets posted. i am a postsecret addict now. thanks to allie. she told me to go look one day. and i did. and i have been hooked ever since. i read them every week. seriously, you cant help but keep reading the new ones every week. they are great. im glad she told me about them. Way to go Allie!

You work at a smile and you go for a ride. You had a bad day.

[Bad Day-Daniel Powter]

so i was having a completely bad day today. i woke up at 8 am after a night of very little sleep. i went to calc recitation to take a quiz i felt mildly unsure about. then i went to physics where an angry little german man made me feel terribly stupid and hopeless. everything seemed pretty bad for some reason. i had chem lab and i dressed in work clothes. i looked like trash, and, as always happens, i saw someone i want to impress when i was looking like garbage. plus, i had cramps and was feeling rather emotional thanks to mother nature's fast approaching gift. and, i had a long night at work to look forward too. woo hoo. thursday night means 6-close. it means a whole mess of cleaning and dishes and scrubbing and chopping and weighing and other work-related things. ugh. and i knew that after i got done at work around 11 i had to come home, finish my hw, take a shower, eat, and get ready for the next day. it was just one of those days.

but actually, going to work made my day better. i actually got happier at work.

see i work wed morning and thurs night. i like my job better wed morning. i work pick and mix all morning. basically, i just make salads all day. pretty easy. thursday night i pack up pick and mix. then i weigh salads, chop all ingredients needed for the next day, and clean it up. when that is done, i have to go clean other stuff. its really not fun. but i like the people i work with thurs night better. the wed people are great dont get me wrong, but the thurs people are more fun. mostly cuz the managers usually go home so only us students are left to our own devices. which can be very entertaining.

thurs night i work with tabbitha, john, vish, angela, and josh. they are great. vish is very nice. tabbitha is nice too. she is easy to talk to. i dont really know john much, but he is ok. angela is so funny. she is great to be around. josh is nice, though im not quite sure about him. the thing is, he has never been anything but positively delightful to me. he always speaks to me and tries to talk to me and stuff. he is very nice to me. but for some reason he makes me a little.....maybe nervous....aware maybe. i have no idea what really. like i said, he had never been anything but absolutely fantastic. its probably just cuz i dont know him much yet.

so i went to work and got into a way better mood just cuz i like being around these people. one time, i was standing there weighing lettuce and out of the corner of my eye i see angela standing there staring at me. so keep on working but she is just staring at me. so after a while im like "...?" and she just laughs and was like "dang it took you forvever. i have been staring at you for a long time. i wondered if you were gonna say something" and she laughed and walked off. it was just funny. and i felt like i had...friends? well, acquaintences at least. its something.

a little while later, i was standing at the counter working. and i was standing there crying. and josh comes out and he is all like "omg are you ok? whats wrong?" and im like "nothing im fine" and he is like "your crying," ya know being very concerned and all. and im like laughing and crying now and im like "dude simmer down. im fine. im chopping the onions, thats all." (chopping onions is not fun btw)

so we are supposed to wait til ten to close. but angela was feeling rather impatient that night. so about 20 minutes til, she had everyone go claim whatever pizza they wanted to take home. but she was still not technically supposed to close. but then, she "accidentally" knocked over a tray of pizza lol. and darn it all, if she wasnt just so clumsy that she "accidentally" knocked all the pizza onto the ground twenty minutes before close. haha so we got to start cleaning up early.

i had to help josh with dishes. i hate doing dishes. ugh. but luckily he was washing them all and i only had to get them out of the sanitizer tub and lay them all out. so it wasnt so bad really. again, me and josh kinda chit chatted. he was trying to be very nice. and... i dunno. im sure it will get better. i think im just in that awkward "i dont really know you" stage, which is my problem not his lol.

so anyways, i think my job is gonna be ok actually. it kinda stresses me out in the sense that i have less time for my hw, but i really like the people i work with. especially on thurs night. so i think its gonna be fine.

I cannot carry the weight of the heavy world, so goodnight, goodnight.

[Goodnight, Goodnight-Maroon 5]

i am tired. i did hw all night after classes. and i still have more to do. ugh. but im done for now. now its bed time. goodnight all.

If I never see your face again, I don't mind

[If I Never See Your Face Again-Maroon 5]

so today was pretty cool. me, bridgette, rebecca, brad, steven, tony, and tonys roomate... i cant remeber his name...chris maybe?....went to the first football game of the season against northern colorado. john was supposed to go but the people in the room above him had a party and he only got 6 hours of sleep. poor baby. anyways it was so great. there were so many people. and the cheerleaders were actually good. and the band was actually good.... the marching band actually marched. what a novel idea eh? im just impressed cuz mhs never did cool stuff like that. the marching band made pictures. they made the shape of a train and made it look like it was blowing smoke and the wheels were turning. and there was this really big drum. the worlds largest apparently. lol. we totally won. it was amazing. except for the fact my feet and nose got a little sunburned lol. but it was pretty darn great. there were so many people. and we cheered. we have a first down cheer they taught us at BGR. the first down cheer. it goes like this: "one two three four first down." except the student body kinda mixed it up a bit. we tacked the lovely word "bitch" to the end and chanted that loudly lol.

we won. which was pretty darn exciting. the whole thing was exciting cuz i have never been to a college game before. im used to MHS games. so im easily impressed anyways.

after the game, we all went back to our apartment. we watched some tv. then went to the office and rented some movies. we rented pan's labyrinth, saw 2, and the last kiss. then we went to dinner cuz we were super hungry. and we all had alot of meal passes left over so we actually went to 2 dinners lol. one at 5 and one at 7:30 lol.

ok so my mom knows this guy who also has a son who is a freshman in engineering here. mom wanted us to meet so maybe we could share rides or whatever. so his dad gave me this guys number. and i called him. and it was very awkward at first cuz his dad hadnt said i was supposed to call or anything. but we talked it out and i ended up inviting him to watch movies with us all later.

jon wanted to watch the last kiss. it was basically a movie about messed up relationships. it was fairly boring and it had alotta weird sex scenes. well, the guy i invited over, cody is his name, and his friend happened to walk in during a weird sex scene. which made it kinda awkward right off the bat. he and his friend watched the rest of the movie then practically bolted. i felt bad cuz i know that it was a bad first impression. i know they were bored. i know they think i am a lame loser. and im sure they were probably disappointed when they first saw me. im sure they had hoped for some girl other than a fat, ugly one with bad hair. so it was a bad first impression. after they left i texted him and tried to explain so he would think better of me. i dunno if it worked. i think that i will probably never hear from him again. which sucks, cuz i really hate when stuff like that happens. i guess i was hoping we could be friends or something. but probably not now. sigh.

The battle's almost won, and we're only several miles from the sun

[The Sun-Maroon 5]

the first football game is tomorrow. woohoo! its gonna be fun. fersure. i think im going in a group with some friends. well, mostly bridgettes friends, but hopefully my friend rebecca comes. then i feel like less of a loser cuz i contributed to the friend group instead of always mooching off bridgettes friend group. the game is at noon tomorrow. so i gotta get up at like 10. which ruins my sleeping in but whatev. so i gotta go now. gotta shower then get to bed so i can get up. woo football!

I'm coming home again

[Homecoming-Kanye West]

so its the weekend again. TGIF. this weekend im staying at college, not going home. i went home last weekend. and lemme tell you what. even though i had only been gone two weeks, i felt so different.

for one thing, i had become very closed off from the real world. here at college, i rarely leave campus. everything i need is right here. so i dont see outside things. like i didnt even know the price of gas until i rolled back into marion. i had no idea what the price of gas was. something that was so important before i left.

another thing, i liked doing things on my own terms. here in my little apartment on campus i do what i want when i want. nobody orders me when to do the dishes or when to make my bed. and when i went home, i had to do what the 'rents said again. had to make my bed and help with chores and stuff. after a little but, i actually kinda missed my little apartment and the independence it held.

i spent the weekend trying to retrain my mom in a way. and everybody else too. everybody spent the entire summer telling me how i had to be more independent and how i had to grow up. how i had to cut the apron strings. and all that. so here i am. im legally an adult now. im off at college. but everybody kept trying to dictate what i would and would not do in my life. well, sorry people, thats not gonna fly anymore. for instance, my stepsisters almost ex was gonna ask me to babysit the kids on his weekend. i dont really wanna get involved, but i would have considered it cuz i do not hate the man like everybody else expects i should. he was always very nice to me. and therefore i refuse to treat him badly just cuz they are getting a divorce. anyways, totally off topic. i might have babysat for him. it would have been my decision. well mom told bob that he was gonna ask and he looks at me and says "YOU WILL NEVER GO OVER THERE AND YOU WILL NEVER BABYSIT FOR HIM." well, thats not really up to him now is it? and then, i was saying to my mom and stepsister how he cant make my decisions for me. if i want to babysit for the man i will. and my stepsister looks at me and says "well, ill tell you: you will NOT babysit for him or associate with him in any way!" ok, that just made me really mad cuz a) she has no rught to make my decisions for me now that i am an independent adult and b) she never had the right to tell me who i can and cannot talk to. them telling me know only makes me wanna do what they tell me not to. then another day, mom said "you are not buying davids ticket." and i told her, "mom, i am an adult now. i make my own decisions. dont dictate. you can make suggestions, but thats it." and i kept telling her that every time she started to do that.

but at the same time, i kinda fell into my old routine and it felt like i never really left for college. just like a break or something. after a couple days of my old room, moms cooking, everyday chores, wal mart shopping, swimming, visiting the fam, and all the other stuff i used to do on a daily basis, it seriously felt like nothing had changed sometimes. but i kept reminding myself it had changed. which was kinda sad. but kinda not. i dunno. just one of those things in life i spose.

well, im out.

You make me feel something like summertime

[Summertime-Bon Jovi]

ok today was another good day i think. the whole weekend was pretty good actually. i came home this weekend. it was weird though....but thats another blog. tomorrow nights blog probably.

so yesterday i went swimming. got sunburned. cuz for some reason i never feel the need to put on sunscreen even though i am terrbily fair-skinned. and for some reason i also get burned. but that doesnt stop me from being dumb and getting burned again. yesterday was no different. so even though i was burned i wanted to go swimming agin today. so me and mom went to tracy's house to swim. but today i used sunscreen. go me. david got a splinter yesterday from the deck. and he is retarded and doesnt like needles so i had to help him out lol. cuz he is a ridiculous baby. you should have seen him. i got the needle out and he flipped out. haha it was so funny. the boy got a tattoo, which is nothing but getting stabbed with a needle many many times but he flipped out at one needle for a splinter. but i got it. and i felt like a hero lol.

and then we wanted to cook out but there was none of the essential cookout foods. so tracy said david had to go shopping. and mom said i should go with him. and i was kinda like "eh, nah, whatever" cuz im not just gonna go if im not wanted. but he was like "yeah! you are going with me!" which made me happy. cuz we got to hang out for a little while. and he is pretty cool and it made me happy that we got to hang out. ok, lemme explain. we have known each other for a very long time, probably 10 years. and for probably 9 of those ten years he barely even acknowledged my existence. but for the last year or so, he has been great and we have gotten along pretty well. and probably within the last....5 months maybe? we have been cool. like hes nice to me and talks to me and texts me sometimes and stuff. we kinda tease back and forth and that kinda thing. like maybe we are friends even. that makes me happy. even tracy commented "kayla and david seem to be getting along pretty well lately huh?". so anyways, we went shopping. and that retard complained all through the store about how i stabbed him with a needle lol.

then we ate. and swam. and i tried to sleep. but people kept like poking at me and stuff. so i couldnt really nap lol. and i spent some time with damon and dane. and their stupid stupid puppy chewed on my favorite flip flops. oh i was so mad. my 30 dollar croc flip flops! ugh. i coulda kicked it i was so mad. but now i get a new pair i guess.

well, im heading back tomorrow. early. gotta get up early so i can drive back in time for class. so i need to get to bed now i spose. peace out.

And a few more of your least favorite things

[Build God, Then We'll Talk-Panic at the Disco]

ok, so you wanna know what i hate? those stupid roller skate wheely shoes. and those stupid kids who insist on skating in the stupidest places. nobody wants to get hit my a shoe-skating ten year old in the grocery store. people who roller blade outside dont bother me. stupid kids who have skatey shoes do. today i nearly got mowed down by some ten year old wheeling sabout on his shoes. ugh. everytime somebody wheels past me on their little shoes, i want to stick out my foot and trip them. does that make me a bad person? possibly, but i dont care.

know what else i hate? stupid dogs (like the one next door) that bark loudly all stinking night long. last night i was like "hmmm im tired. i think ill sleep" and i lie down and what do i hear? woooof. wooof. wooooof. its obnoxious. i want to put a muzzle on the dog. and on the dogs owner just for good measure.

so this is really a post dedicated to things that annoy me, if you havent figured that out already.

another thing. i hate it when stupid people turn the bass way way up on their car radio and thump their music at odd hours of the night and morning. now, i enjoy loud music as much as the next person. when im driving down the highway, i have a tendency to thump my music. thats fine. but not at like 2 am in a residential neighborhood when i am trying to sleep (again, the neighbors did this last night while i was trying to sleep. grr). its seriously just rude. and it does not make you any cooler. it just makes you annoying. so just knock it off.

yep, theres more. squalling children bother me a great deal. not babies mind you. small babies cant help it. i recognize the fact that when a tiny baby squalls its because they cant quite say "hey mother feed me" or "i am sleepy and teething and have a messy diaper please remedy that." no, im talking about those little kids who screach and holler and throw tantrums. ya know, the ones you can hear from miles away? that carry on forever? ugh. to quote my friend drew, "i want to drop-kick them" and the parents too.

another one of my big pet peeves. fat girls who wear tiny clothes. first of all, BLECH. it looks gross. disgusting. you know what im talking about. we've all seen it. the big girls, and mind you im not hating. im a big girl. its ok to be big, to have a spare tire...or ten. its ok. but cover it up. nobody wants to see your nasty fat. buy a bigger size of clothes. avoid getting the muffin tops. you dont have it, so stop trying to flaunt it!

ok, so i think im done ranting for now. i just felt the need to throw that out there.

Nothing unusual. Nothing strange. Close to nothing at all.

[Amie-Damien Rice]

Tomorrow...er today technically....is friday. friday. TGIF. then i get a long weekend. and im going home. so four more classes. then mom is coming to pick me up. and we are gonna go look at new shirts. then home.



i dunno what im gonna do all weekend though, since my friends are all gone. chill with the 'rents i spose. see my dog. i missed my doggie alot. prob do a little homework. ugh. that stuff is never-ending ferreal. and ill do a little shopping. gotta buy some cheap black pants for work. cuz i start my new job on wed morning. at the pizza place. it should be good. if i can wake my sleepy bum up and get moving on time lol.



and i also gotta buy a brita pitcher cuz the water here is grody. really gross. i wont drink it. so i gotta pick up one of them. and there was something else...... oh a small trash can for under my desk. yeah. and anything else i think i might need.



so just one more day of classes. tomorrow is my worst day though. no time for lunch. barely any time between classes at all. ten minutes between classes. which means i will prob be late to math. which is bad cuz i gotta get a seat in my assigned section. so ill have to hustle. and i gotta get to chem on time so i dont have to sit in the balcony cuz you cant hear up there. i wonder if brad will find me tomorrow. or if i can find amanda. hmm.. and i need to get to engr 126 on time to scope out the place, get the seat i have in mind ;)



anyways, im babbling alot. babble babble babble. and im tired. so i think imma go sleep now. night.

And with each new day, I can feel a change in everything

[Upside Down-Jack Johnson]

So today was a good day. i only had one class. in the afternoon. so i slept in til 11. yay. and then i got up. got ready. and did some productive stuff. got my calc hw done for tomorrow. got the calc hw done thats due friday. me and bridgette went to lunch with brad. then me and bridgette went and picked up our football shirts. i finally mailed a letter that had been sitting on my desk and bridgette picked up a package from the office that was the shelf for our fridge. i got my work schedule straightened out and it isnt bad. i went to class. and then i picked up my notes for ENGR 126. today i crossed off alot of things from my to-do list. all in all it was a productive day

ok, but now do you wanna hear what made it really good??
this is gonna sound silly. ridiculous. cheesy. but it made me happy so dont squash it.so, there is a boy. a very good looking, fun, popular boy. i think he is adorable. i do admit i might be a twee bit infatuated lol. i met him my first week here during orientation week. when we started classes i didnt see him at all really. well today, as me and bridgette were walking to get our shirts, he and his group of equally popular friends passed us. and he looked at me and said "hey, kayla." now, i do not by any means think this is something more than it is. it is not some declaration of his undying love or anything like that. i know. but i am happy because he acknowledged my existence. thats something for me. it really is. you see, on the popularity scale, he would be like a ten. and i would be like a 5. maybe. but he spoke to me. in front of his friends too. so anyways, i know i am babbling like a ridiculous child. but it made me happy. so there.

Time goes by, and we watch our lives as they're sadly slipping away.

[The Best Happiness Money Can Buy-I Can Make a Mess Like Nobody's Business]

so i have had classes for two days now. i have been to pretty much every class except ENGR 100, which i will go to on thurs cuz its only 1 credit hour. so classes are ok i guess. im feeling a twee bit overwhelmed cuz its all so different and new and whatnot. alot of my classes are quite large. well, larger than im used to. my biggest class, CHEM 115 is in a huge huge lecture hall. it has a balcony for goodness sakes. its crazy. ive already got homework but im trying to stay on top of it pretty well. i have a calc quiz on thurs so im gonna study tomorrow cuz i dont wanna start off badly. and im going home this weekend so i wanna have all my hw done so i dont have to do it this weekend. i only have one class tomorrow so imma do alot of it tomorrow in between picking up my football shirt and kecture notes and making phone calls and checking on my job and cleaning. i have much less free time now and i dont really like it lol. and its only gonna get worse i know. i even went today and bought a planner to keep track of everything. which is weird cuz i have never used a planner before a day in my life. i have to get used to it. hopefully classes continue to go well and i dont have any major problems. ugh i hope i can do ok in college. its quite intimidating at first, thats fersure. i heard its just to weed out some freshmen. so i just gotta stick it out for a little bit. ugh. lol i wanna go back to summer when i was so carefree and had much more fun time lol.

I don't want to go to work today or even put my makeup on

[All I Want to Do-Sugarland]

so tomorrow i start classes. bleh. i dont wanna. its my last night of freedom. ack. i just wanna chill. hang out with people. have fun. no work. no class. just fun. but thats unrealistic i know. but a girl can always dream right? i just have zero motivation. i am tired of learning things. im tired of shuffling to classes. im just tired. but im sure once i get into a routine ill be ok. right?? i hope so. cuz its gonna be a long four years if i feel like this the whole time.

Cuz im falling down the stairs, Help me cuz ive got no grip, oh help me please

[Falling Down The Stairs-The Eagles]

so this long overdue post is about, if you havent guessed already, my dani. my cripple. my favorite person to threaten to kick down the stairs, shank with a meat cleaver, or inflict various other injuries upon. i love her to pieces! she is amazing!!!! or Qmazing if you will. there are so many reasons why i love this girl. our q-words are one of them. if you have already read dani's blog, you know all about the q-word amazingness we have going on. we have:

qmazing

qtastic

qriffic

qrilliant

qnique

qtarded

qnificent

qrap

qtacular

and the newest addition, qpendous

q-words are amazing. but they are me and dani's. do not try and gank them. they are ours. never use them under penalty of death. im serious.

me and dani are fiends. at pretty much everything we do. here is the list so far:

chem lab fiends

independent study fiends

wasting time in bio fiends

wasting time in general fiends

starbucks fiends

tard park fiends

wing day fiends

soap opera watching fiends

tard swinging fiends

delicious music fiends

watersliding fiends

brownie making fiends

antwooon drawing fiends

Q-word making fiends

new word making fiends

college-going fiends

dance-making fiends

idle-threat making fiends

cornhole fiends

there are so many more things that we are fiendly at. just cuz its not on the list doesnt mean we arent fiends at it. SO DONT TEST US. im serious.

i love dani. seriously. i love her for her sense of humor. i love her for her supermanning it down the stairs abilities. i love her cuz she is fun to be around. i love her cuz she doesnt get offended when our group makes fun of her (note to outsiders, do not ever make fun of my cripple or i will round up my posse and beat some fanny). i love her for her silly legs. i love her cuz she is not afraid to be loud and silly in public with me. i love her cuz she truly appreciates my hair like it deserves to be appreciated. i love her cuz she understands that bad acting+melodrama=great tv. i love her cuz she is my cripple-tastic, michigan-speak understanding, friend. i dont, however, love her choice to leave me and her choice of college to leave me for. but ill overlook it for now.