I'm coming home again

[Homecoming-Kanye West]

so its the weekend again. TGIF. this weekend im staying at college, not going home. i went home last weekend. and lemme tell you what. even though i had only been gone two weeks, i felt so different.

for one thing, i had become very closed off from the real world. here at college, i rarely leave campus. everything i need is right here. so i dont see outside things. like i didnt even know the price of gas until i rolled back into marion. i had no idea what the price of gas was. something that was so important before i left.

another thing, i liked doing things on my own terms. here in my little apartment on campus i do what i want when i want. nobody orders me when to do the dishes or when to make my bed. and when i went home, i had to do what the 'rents said again. had to make my bed and help with chores and stuff. after a little but, i actually kinda missed my little apartment and the independence it held.

i spent the weekend trying to retrain my mom in a way. and everybody else too. everybody spent the entire summer telling me how i had to be more independent and how i had to grow up. how i had to cut the apron strings. and all that. so here i am. im legally an adult now. im off at college. but everybody kept trying to dictate what i would and would not do in my life. well, sorry people, thats not gonna fly anymore. for instance, my stepsisters almost ex was gonna ask me to babysit the kids on his weekend. i dont really wanna get involved, but i would have considered it cuz i do not hate the man like everybody else expects i should. he was always very nice to me. and therefore i refuse to treat him badly just cuz they are getting a divorce. anyways, totally off topic. i might have babysat for him. it would have been my decision. well mom told bob that he was gonna ask and he looks at me and says "YOU WILL NEVER GO OVER THERE AND YOU WILL NEVER BABYSIT FOR HIM." well, thats not really up to him now is it? and then, i was saying to my mom and stepsister how he cant make my decisions for me. if i want to babysit for the man i will. and my stepsister looks at me and says "well, ill tell you: you will NOT babysit for him or associate with him in any way!" ok, that just made me really mad cuz a) she has no rught to make my decisions for me now that i am an independent adult and b) she never had the right to tell me who i can and cannot talk to. them telling me know only makes me wanna do what they tell me not to. then another day, mom said "you are not buying davids ticket." and i told her, "mom, i am an adult now. i make my own decisions. dont dictate. you can make suggestions, but thats it." and i kept telling her that every time she started to do that.

but at the same time, i kinda fell into my old routine and it felt like i never really left for college. just like a break or something. after a couple days of my old room, moms cooking, everyday chores, wal mart shopping, swimming, visiting the fam, and all the other stuff i used to do on a daily basis, it seriously felt like nothing had changed sometimes. but i kept reminding myself it had changed. which was kinda sad. but kinda not. i dunno. just one of those things in life i spose.

well, im out.