And a few more of your least favorite things

[Build God, Then We'll Talk-Panic at the Disco]

ok, so you wanna know what i hate? those stupid roller skate wheely shoes. and those stupid kids who insist on skating in the stupidest places. nobody wants to get hit my a shoe-skating ten year old in the grocery store. people who roller blade outside dont bother me. stupid kids who have skatey shoes do. today i nearly got mowed down by some ten year old wheeling sabout on his shoes. ugh. everytime somebody wheels past me on their little shoes, i want to stick out my foot and trip them. does that make me a bad person? possibly, but i dont care.

know what else i hate? stupid dogs (like the one next door) that bark loudly all stinking night long. last night i was like "hmmm im tired. i think ill sleep" and i lie down and what do i hear? woooof. wooof. wooooof. its obnoxious. i want to put a muzzle on the dog. and on the dogs owner just for good measure.

so this is really a post dedicated to things that annoy me, if you havent figured that out already.

another thing. i hate it when stupid people turn the bass way way up on their car radio and thump their music at odd hours of the night and morning. now, i enjoy loud music as much as the next person. when im driving down the highway, i have a tendency to thump my music. thats fine. but not at like 2 am in a residential neighborhood when i am trying to sleep (again, the neighbors did this last night while i was trying to sleep. grr). its seriously just rude. and it does not make you any cooler. it just makes you annoying. so just knock it off.

yep, theres more. squalling children bother me a great deal. not babies mind you. small babies cant help it. i recognize the fact that when a tiny baby squalls its because they cant quite say "hey mother feed me" or "i am sleepy and teething and have a messy diaper please remedy that." no, im talking about those little kids who screach and holler and throw tantrums. ya know, the ones you can hear from miles away? that carry on forever? ugh. to quote my friend drew, "i want to drop-kick them" and the parents too.

another one of my big pet peeves. fat girls who wear tiny clothes. first of all, BLECH. it looks gross. disgusting. you know what im talking about. we've all seen it. the big girls, and mind you im not hating. im a big girl. its ok to be big, to have a spare tire...or ten. its ok. but cover it up. nobody wants to see your nasty fat. buy a bigger size of clothes. avoid getting the muffin tops. you dont have it, so stop trying to flaunt it!

ok, so i think im done ranting for now. i just felt the need to throw that out there.

Nothing unusual. Nothing strange. Close to nothing at all.

[Amie-Damien Rice]

Tomorrow...er today technically....is friday. friday. TGIF. then i get a long weekend. and im going home. so four more classes. then mom is coming to pick me up. and we are gonna go look at new shirts. then home.



i dunno what im gonna do all weekend though, since my friends are all gone. chill with the 'rents i spose. see my dog. i missed my doggie alot. prob do a little homework. ugh. that stuff is never-ending ferreal. and ill do a little shopping. gotta buy some cheap black pants for work. cuz i start my new job on wed morning. at the pizza place. it should be good. if i can wake my sleepy bum up and get moving on time lol.



and i also gotta buy a brita pitcher cuz the water here is grody. really gross. i wont drink it. so i gotta pick up one of them. and there was something else...... oh a small trash can for under my desk. yeah. and anything else i think i might need.



so just one more day of classes. tomorrow is my worst day though. no time for lunch. barely any time between classes at all. ten minutes between classes. which means i will prob be late to math. which is bad cuz i gotta get a seat in my assigned section. so ill have to hustle. and i gotta get to chem on time so i dont have to sit in the balcony cuz you cant hear up there. i wonder if brad will find me tomorrow. or if i can find amanda. hmm.. and i need to get to engr 126 on time to scope out the place, get the seat i have in mind ;)



anyways, im babbling alot. babble babble babble. and im tired. so i think imma go sleep now. night.

And with each new day, I can feel a change in everything

[Upside Down-Jack Johnson]

So today was a good day. i only had one class. in the afternoon. so i slept in til 11. yay. and then i got up. got ready. and did some productive stuff. got my calc hw done for tomorrow. got the calc hw done thats due friday. me and bridgette went to lunch with brad. then me and bridgette went and picked up our football shirts. i finally mailed a letter that had been sitting on my desk and bridgette picked up a package from the office that was the shelf for our fridge. i got my work schedule straightened out and it isnt bad. i went to class. and then i picked up my notes for ENGR 126. today i crossed off alot of things from my to-do list. all in all it was a productive day

ok, but now do you wanna hear what made it really good??
this is gonna sound silly. ridiculous. cheesy. but it made me happy so dont squash it.so, there is a boy. a very good looking, fun, popular boy. i think he is adorable. i do admit i might be a twee bit infatuated lol. i met him my first week here during orientation week. when we started classes i didnt see him at all really. well today, as me and bridgette were walking to get our shirts, he and his group of equally popular friends passed us. and he looked at me and said "hey, kayla." now, i do not by any means think this is something more than it is. it is not some declaration of his undying love or anything like that. i know. but i am happy because he acknowledged my existence. thats something for me. it really is. you see, on the popularity scale, he would be like a ten. and i would be like a 5. maybe. but he spoke to me. in front of his friends too. so anyways, i know i am babbling like a ridiculous child. but it made me happy. so there.

Time goes by, and we watch our lives as they're sadly slipping away.

[The Best Happiness Money Can Buy-I Can Make a Mess Like Nobody's Business]

so i have had classes for two days now. i have been to pretty much every class except ENGR 100, which i will go to on thurs cuz its only 1 credit hour. so classes are ok i guess. im feeling a twee bit overwhelmed cuz its all so different and new and whatnot. alot of my classes are quite large. well, larger than im used to. my biggest class, CHEM 115 is in a huge huge lecture hall. it has a balcony for goodness sakes. its crazy. ive already got homework but im trying to stay on top of it pretty well. i have a calc quiz on thurs so im gonna study tomorrow cuz i dont wanna start off badly. and im going home this weekend so i wanna have all my hw done so i dont have to do it this weekend. i only have one class tomorrow so imma do alot of it tomorrow in between picking up my football shirt and kecture notes and making phone calls and checking on my job and cleaning. i have much less free time now and i dont really like it lol. and its only gonna get worse i know. i even went today and bought a planner to keep track of everything. which is weird cuz i have never used a planner before a day in my life. i have to get used to it. hopefully classes continue to go well and i dont have any major problems. ugh i hope i can do ok in college. its quite intimidating at first, thats fersure. i heard its just to weed out some freshmen. so i just gotta stick it out for a little bit. ugh. lol i wanna go back to summer when i was so carefree and had much more fun time lol.

I don't want to go to work today or even put my makeup on

[All I Want to Do-Sugarland]

so tomorrow i start classes. bleh. i dont wanna. its my last night of freedom. ack. i just wanna chill. hang out with people. have fun. no work. no class. just fun. but thats unrealistic i know. but a girl can always dream right? i just have zero motivation. i am tired of learning things. im tired of shuffling to classes. im just tired. but im sure once i get into a routine ill be ok. right?? i hope so. cuz its gonna be a long four years if i feel like this the whole time.

Cuz im falling down the stairs, Help me cuz ive got no grip, oh help me please

[Falling Down The Stairs-The Eagles]

so this long overdue post is about, if you havent guessed already, my dani. my cripple. my favorite person to threaten to kick down the stairs, shank with a meat cleaver, or inflict various other injuries upon. i love her to pieces! she is amazing!!!! or Qmazing if you will. there are so many reasons why i love this girl. our q-words are one of them. if you have already read dani's blog, you know all about the q-word amazingness we have going on. we have:

qmazing

qtastic

qriffic

qrilliant

qnique

qtarded

qnificent

qrap

qtacular

and the newest addition, qpendous

q-words are amazing. but they are me and dani's. do not try and gank them. they are ours. never use them under penalty of death. im serious.

me and dani are fiends. at pretty much everything we do. here is the list so far:

chem lab fiends

independent study fiends

wasting time in bio fiends

wasting time in general fiends

starbucks fiends

tard park fiends

wing day fiends

soap opera watching fiends

tard swinging fiends

delicious music fiends

watersliding fiends

brownie making fiends

antwooon drawing fiends

Q-word making fiends

new word making fiends

college-going fiends

dance-making fiends

idle-threat making fiends

cornhole fiends

there are so many more things that we are fiendly at. just cuz its not on the list doesnt mean we arent fiends at it. SO DONT TEST US. im serious.

i love dani. seriously. i love her for her sense of humor. i love her for her supermanning it down the stairs abilities. i love her cuz she is fun to be around. i love her cuz she doesnt get offended when our group makes fun of her (note to outsiders, do not ever make fun of my cripple or i will round up my posse and beat some fanny). i love her for her silly legs. i love her cuz she is not afraid to be loud and silly in public with me. i love her cuz she truly appreciates my hair like it deserves to be appreciated. i love her cuz she understands that bad acting+melodrama=great tv. i love her cuz she is my cripple-tastic, michigan-speak understanding, friend. i dont, however, love her choice to leave me and her choice of college to leave me for. but ill overlook it for now.

It's the greatest thing that's yet to have happened, imagine knowing me

[Pas De Cheval-Panic at the Disco]

so today was a better day. it was. me and bridgette went to a couple diff stores to get her books and look for a shirt and hoodie. and we went to grab a coffee together. it was a good time. i like her. she is very nice, and i think we are gonna get along well. i hope so. so that was good, it got me out of the house. and then we went to dinner and met up with some of her friends. and then she invited me to go with her to paly apples to apples with some friends in the basement of owen. i went. i met some new people. john, steve, tim, tom, ashton, naomi, kenny, and pat. they were all very nice and it was a good time. naomi gave us freshmen a couple tips, like which frats to avoid cuz they are notorius for date-raping their girls. i made special note of that. we played apples to apples for like 3 hours. then we played some cards. then me bridgette tim steve and john went back to our place to watch scrubs. it was a good time. thanks to bridgette i met some new people. im really grateful, cuz if not, i prob woulda sat at home alone all night. but it was alot of fun. it really was.

Maybe surrounded by a million people I still feel all alone

[Home-Blake Sheldon]

so now BGR is over. and i seriously feel rather sad. wednesday night was the worst. i felt sooooooo homesick. during BGR we were in these groups. and the groups did pretty much everything together. so it was like i had people to hang with. maybe even felt like friends. and then wednesday night was the send- off ceremonies. and after that we arent in groups anymore. and i havent really made any new friends. bridgette is really nice and we are doing stuff together. but she has other friends. and there are like 2 people from my high school here, but they are busy. and i did meet 2 new girls and we are supposed to hang out sometime but i feel weird about calling them cuz i dont really know them. i miss my group.

i miss my group cuz they were really cool. most of them were the kind of people who are cool, much cooler than me. and poplular. much more popular than me. and fun and outgoing. much more so than me. i liked hanging out with them cuz people like me dont get to hang out with people like them usually due to the law of social levels. i am at a lower and less cool social level than the rest of the people in my group. so for once, i felt cool. i felt like i was in a social level i am not in. i was happy to hang out with them. and they were nice to me most of the time. even though i knew i didnt belong there. they knew it too but they tried to make me feel included for the short time we were together. and now that we arent in groups together anymore, i have dropped back down to that lower social level. and i dont have anyone to hang out with anymore. and people keep saying to me "well just get their number or ask to hang out." really? i cant do that. like i said, the law of social levels doesnt allow that.

and i was feeling sad and homesick. cuz its was like, first i had to leave my friends and family which was terribly sad and traumatic. then i got put in this group and we had fun together and chilled together, then they took that away from me too. plus, everybody was talking about what friends they made during BGR and i really didnt make any. so i felt alone. most of the time i eat alone. which sucks. and is really awkward btw. i feel out of place. not cool at all.

You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow. This oppurtunity comes once in a life time..

[Lose Yourself-Eminem]

ok i know i havent posted in awhile but things have been sooooooo busy here at college. orientation week is so so soooooo fun. im having a blast. tonights the last night and im super sad. so im gonna write about everything that has happened since sunday night just to catch you up.

ok so sunday then 'rents helped me move all my stuff in. we arranged stuff and i claimed which bed and desk and drawers i wanted. i met my roomie for the first time. she seems really nice. so far we havent fought about anything and we have compromised about space and stuff really well. thank God i got a seemingly normal roomie. i mean, i know we will have our differences and stuff but it could be way way worse. we unpacked a little then we did a little meeting thing with our ra. then we had to go to this meeting thing with our assigned bgr groups. my 'rents decided to leave then, since i was going off somewhere. i cried. i was sad when they left. so i went down to get dinner with all these other people. went to Jimmy Johns. first time eating there. not bad. then went to the group meeting. we played some games. ok, first let me introduce the players. we played a name game. so ill tell them to you so when i talk about people in later paragraphs youll know. ok so we had to say our first name and a food that starts with that letter. so here are the people:

Apple Alison (Team Leader)

Christian Cookie(aka Cookie)

Jack Jam

Jorge Guacamole

Paul Pineapple(aka Hello Kitty)

Rohan Relish

Matt Meat

Metab Melon

Ashley Airheads

Travis Tapioca

plus we brought in other part time people like Matt Marshmallow and Hiroki. and we kinda merged with Brett's group so we got other people too, like Brett, Charlie, Ben, Wellington, and some other people. my group is super cool btw. i like them alot. they are from all over the place. wisconsin, virginia beach, kentucky, india, one of the koreas, new jersey. its tight. and they are all super nice. and fun to be around.

so anyways, sunday we did this welcoming thing. and listened to a comedian. and got spoken to by purdues president. and then i went back to my apartment feeling rather alarmed and overwhelmed for the night. i really like my apartment. its old. it doesnt have nearly enough outlets or lighting. the shower makes a funny noise and the water is completely jacked up. it alternates between hot and cold no matter how you adjust it. i got scalded the other morning when someone upstairs flushed the toilet. the sink doesnt drain well. yes it has problems, but i love it cuz it is mine. it makes me feel independent. i do what i please. i dont make my bed. i leave a dirty dish in the sink once and awhile. cuz i can.

anyways, monday i got up to go to breakfast at 7:30. i was the only one in my group besides brett and alison that showed up. and they were required to as team leaders anyways. so we went. and the food was good. it was nice. alison and brett are super super fun/nice. we had a group meeting at 9:15. then we had to go to this sports thing. im pumped for football to start. i love football games. itll be fun. we took a tour of campus. the campus is so big. ack, im never gonna learn it. but alison said this weekend she would take me around to my classes if i wanted. i think ill take her up on that. then our group went to elliot and did roll call, this chant we learn and do as a group. our theme is "hottywood" like hollywood. but hilltop, owen, and tark are all together so H.O.T. yeah anyways, we did roll call then we listened to a comedian whose main message was dont get so wrapped up in drinking and partying you forget all else. good message. i wont. i loved the meetings at elliot, really. as we (all of the approm 5500 students at BGr plus team leaders and supers) filed in, looud music played and people dances around, cheered, did the wave, tossed stuff around, and basically just had a grand old time. the atmosphere in there was so much fun and full of energy. everytime we went in, they showed us the rules, which played to a really catchy song and in the dark. we all waved cell phones during this. the rule slide show was funny. and then we watched a video "alcohol awareness with carl" which was a south park-esque cartoon about carl the alcoholic and his sucky life. they were funny. after the comedian, we had to watch the most boring presentation by the on campus police and fire department. i tried to go to sleep but the tiny seats in elliot really didnt allow it. then we were supposed to go to an interest session but our group walked back up to hilltop instead. i was bored so i texted rebecca, who was going to the bus session. so i decided to make my way to the math building to join her. i took a wrong turn. and got so lost. i missed like 90% of the session. then me and rebecca came back to my apartment cuz she wanted to see it. and chatted. then our group went to dinner. then we had free time and matt suggested whiffle ball. ok, so i am nearly the least athletic person ever. so i was very unsure. i was afraid they would laugh at me or reject me or whatev. but they were like "nah come on just go." and then i went and i wasnt sure i wanted to play. but jack picked me for his team. and i wasnt picked last btw, which made me happier than you can even imagine. and then when it was my turn to bat, i was freaking out cuz i didnt wanna make a fool of myself. matt was on third and needed me to get a hit to get him home. one strike, towo strikes, then....foul. so i had one more chance. travis threw the ball and...i hit it! i booked it to first and made it and matt made it home. i felt so good about myself. we kept playing and i hit everytime i was at bat. and everyone talked and joked with me and i was soooooo happy. i was having a good time. i felt included. ih funny story, maybe you had to be there but.... there are these weird fruit tree things near the golf course. they had these round dark green fruit things. matt really wanted to know whaat they were. he was looking at them and goes "its a kiwi!" and we were all like "dude. no. kiwi dont grow here" so he thinks a little more and goes "Its i guacamole!!!" and we were all like "...? a)guacamole doesnt grow on trees and b)this is indiana. so no." he still thinks they could be avacados. or indicados as brett said (indiana avacados=indicados). i thought is was funny. anyways, some old crankster ran us off the golf course and put an end to our whiffle ball game. then there was late night at the RSC(recreational sports center aka gym). and the guys started up a game of wall ball. in case your not familiar with this game, as i was not either, you take the ball and hurl it at the wall. it bounces back and you catch it. if you are touched by it but dont catch it, you run down to the wall before someone else hits the ball to the wall. if you fail to do this, its a strike. after three strikes, you stand against the wall while someone throws the ball at you as hard as possible in an attempt to hit you. if they miss, they take your place on the wall and it goes on til someone gets hit. then the games resumes. so i didnt know what i was doing and it looked rather violent so i decided to sit on the sidelines, which was still dangerous lol. finally i wanted to join in and matt offered to let me throw the ball at someone. i missed. i walked to the wall like i was going to my death. i didnt want to get pelted. but matt took pity on me. he threw it softly and possibly missed me on purpose and he took my place instead. and someone got hit and the game resumed. it was so much fun. wellington was a beast at that game lol. it was fun. we went on the target run next. the line was big so we tried to talk our way onto the bus but the guy refused. so we circled up in line and played "terydactyl" really loudly. that game is when you circle up and turn to the person next to you and say "terydactyl" as funny as you can. if they laugh, they are out. the catch is you can show your teeth at all when saying it so the word comes out funny. we finally got on the bus and went over. we got a bag of free stuff. i bought some lifesavers and gum. we grouped up and stood in this huge line to go back to campus. a little van pulled up instead of a bus and half our group got on it so the rest of us followed. we packed 20+ people on this little van that had seats for 12. unfortunately i had to stand and it was really not comfy. but we sang and laughed and joked and it was comepletely fun. then i went up the hill to my apartment, took a shower, and passed out.

side note, my apartment is on the top of a big hill. who knew hilltop would literally be on top of a hill?

tuesday i woke up for breakfast again after only like 5 hours of sleep. there were two from the group, me and travis. plus alison and brett and some other TLs too. they told hilarious stories and gossipped about other TLs and it was so funny to listen to. then a team meeting. then another trip to elliott. dancing, music, rules, carl video, roll call, then a stupid presentation. this creeper with a mullet told us about the dangers of facebook blah blah. the only good part was he used actual embarrassing profile pics of students there lol. then we listened to a speech about drinking that went "1. dont drink. 2. If you drink, drink responsibly." which seemed like a mixed message to me. then lunch, then back to elliott for Free Zone, a presentation about diversity. bleh. i dont care bout diversity. whatev. after that, we had to have a stupid group meeting with our supers to discuss our feelings after the presentation. to quote dani, "since when did college become therapy?" then we went to the Activities and Business Fair where we got free food and free stuff. haha then we sat in the basement of a building and watched youtube videos until interest sessions started. i wanted to go to "surviving first-year engineering" so alison took me. it was stupid. it didnt tell me much really. i had an hour of free time then dinner. then we regrouped and went to Unionfest. i saw jchen there. we ate at the union. i ate a sammich from flatbreads. it was so gross. then we walked around. our group played with beer goggles. i couldnt walk a straight line lol. there was a hypnotist show later and we wanted to get in line but they wouldnt let us so we chilled in the lounge til they let us get in line. when they opened us the line, it was a crazy frenzy. our group got all separated. but i did meet 2 new people in line. abbey and amanda. we exchanged number cuz they were really cool and hopefully we hang out sometime. the hypnotist show was the greatest thing EVER. it was so funny. travis from our group went to get hypnotized. omg it was so great. the things these people said were priceless. and he said he doesnt remember anything so we got to tell him while laughing at him. oh it was funny. and the guy next to me in the audience got hypnotized too and he accused me of stealing his purse lol. after that was a meijers run. our group went. meijers was much better cuz they had more free food. and they had buckets of free stuff at the front door. this one bucket had like these little wrapped packs of stuff. and everybody was grabbing them. and brett, being the free stuff loving college guy he is, started grabbing them up. and the worker at the bucket strted laughing. they were bags with tampons and pads in them lol. he ended up with like 5 bags of them. hahahaha. i bought milk and butter for mac n cheese. i felt really grown up, doing my own shopping and all. then i went home, took a shower, and went to sleep.

wednesday, i woke up again for breakfast. and again there was only two of us and team leaders. me and wellington. again the TLs told some pretty funny stories and gossip. we had some free time after breakfast. then we went to a picnic on the memorial lawn. we had papa johns pizza. my fav. we went to elliott again. music, dancing, rules, carl video, roll call. some stupid presentation about the libraries. some presentation by a prof about tips for class. then a motivational speaker. he wasnt bad. then like 3 hours of free time. i took a nap lol. and i rolled out of bed to meet my group for dinner. then we went to elliott for the last time for send off ceremonies. music, dancing, rules, carl video, roll call. then a comedian, buzz sutherland. he was very very funny. after he was done, our supers danced for us. then they announced the winner of the interhall showdown. we came in second. i was ok with that. the rest of the week will be independent. today is the last day in groups. im very very sad about that. i like my group.

Here's to goodbye, tomorrow's gonna come too soon..

[Here's to the Night-Eve 6]

i leave tomorrow.. well techinically its today now. i leave. im going away. leaving home. leaving my friends. leaving my family. leaving the life i have built for the last 18 years. and you wanna know the truth? im scared. i am so scared. scared i will fail. scared i cant make it on my own. scared i wont make friends. scared me and my roomie wont get along/ scared i will make bad decisions. scared to grow up. i am scared to grow up. mom keeps saying that it will be ok, ill be home again soon. and i try to explain to her that yes, i will, but its not the same. everytime i have gone somewhere before, on vacation, to camp, to visit family, yes i was away from home, but i always knew that i would be going home for good. now i know that i am moving out, and when i do come back home its just to visit. its not permanent like it has been. i know im on my own now. and it scared me. things are changing and i dont like it. im afraid of change cuz it could end up worse. i am afraid to leave the life i have always known. and i am sad. i have cried more in the last couple of days than i have probably in the last couple of years, and frankly that worries me cuz it doesnt seem like any of my friends are feeling like this. im not sure whats wrong with me. i should be excited to go off to college, to be independent, to do what i want when i want. but im not. i hope i can make it in college and not run home. im just so upset. more than i should be. im gonna miss everybody so much. i said goodbye to my friends friday night, with a trip to starbucks. im gonna miss them. i love them all to death. and i know we all say we will keep in touch and stuff, and im sure we will at first, but i know things are different now. we will all get busy with life and make new friends and build new lives and inevitably we will drift. and that makes me sad. ill also miss my family so much. so so much. ill miss my mom. and bob too. and ill miss the rest of my family too i guess. even if nobody came to sa goodbye to me. that hurt my feelings i guess. my grandma came to say goodbye. my next door neighbors came to say goodbye. but my aunt, my aunt and unlce, and my sisters family did not stop by or even call. whatever. just hurt my feelings a little i guess. i need to go to bed cuz i have to wake up in about 6 hours to get on our way to purdue to get there at our soecified move in time. but im not tired. im too sad and scared. all day, i have felt sick, and i know its just my nerves. i shouldnt feel like this. i should be excited. so why arent i?

So someone tell me why do i feel stupid?

[Mad Season-Matchbox Twenty]

Jo's post.

Jo is the friend that always keeps me grounded. thank goodness cuz everybody needs a person like that in their life. and jo is that person for me. she is the most apt to smack me upside the head when i do/say something stupid or unreasonable. actually jo hits me alot :p but i love her anyways

jo is also my omg-my-english-paper-is-due-tomorrow-and-i-need-to-revise-it-at-this-late-hour-buddy. every single time a paper was due the next day, i would call her or she would call me and be like "tell me how to write my paper." jo taught me the oh so clever "jo's way of writing conclusions" which is basically taking your thesis and dumbing it down into three or more separate snetences. but hey, it worked good ebough for me lol. seriously when i get to college im still gonna call her up and say "jo tell me how to write my paper" lol. cuz its what we do.

jo is going to UE. she is going sooo far away. its crazy. imma miss my jo. we met junior year in GRP and im sooo glad i became friends with her. she is super nice (except when shes beating me) and fun and all that. she must be kind, she did take pity on and date raver for a while. i dunno why. i predict a future full of kids for jo cuz she has that crazy motherly instinct i lack lol.

and she has a whore canyon haha. love ya jo. :)

Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end

[Closing Time-Semisonic]

everything around me is coming to an end. my life as i know it is literally coming to and end. everything around me is changing and i dont want it to. im not ready for it to.

today was our last wing day for a very very long time. i thought last week was gonna be the last jen-kayla-dani wing day but jen came into town just for our wing day. it was positively bittersweet. it was a super fun time, as wing day always is. but today was the last time i will see jen until one of my college breaks. she is going on vacation tomorrow and i leave on sunday. it was so sad. i love jen so much; she is one of my closest friends and it hurts to leave her. wing day was fun. easy mac barely spoke to us. i think jens pidgeon think made him mad last week lol.

then me dani and jen went back to MHS one last time before we go off to college. it was weird cuz everything was...clean lol. thats unusual for that school. its ironic cuz we said when we graduated we would walk out of that place and never go back, but look where we were today. i know this sounds so cliche, but somehow the school looked just a tad smaller than when we left. not cuz it had shrunk, but cuz we had moved on to bigger things. i remember when i first came to MHS i thought it was big and confusing. for a little while i took wrong turns and whatnot. now, MHS is small stuff compared to my new school, Purdue University. we visited our old teachers, the ones we like anyways, and the ones who hadnt been RIFed lst year. and they all wished us luck on our new phase in life. its so weird. we are going to college. i am going to college.

i am going to college. i leave on sunday. which is in 2 days. and im not ready. not at all. i walk around so sad all the time. i actually cried myself to sleep last night, and i know there are a few more nights like that ahead of me. thats all i seem to be doing lately is crying. i cried when they moved my bed out. i cried twice today. i feel so dumb but i cant help it. i walk around and all i can think is "in two more days i will be leaving. in two more days im going out on my own." everything i do, i realize i wont be doing anymore. like tonight i took my dog outside to play fetch and i thought "in two days i wont have my dog anymore. in two days i cant play fetch with her. in two days i wont be able to walk out into my backyard" and i just started to cry. i couldnt help it.

i know i need to go to college. i have always known that. its what i have to do. its what im expected to do. and i really thought i wanted to go to Purdue. now i wonder if i shouldnt have picked some place closer to home. but i wanted the prestige that went along with saying "yeah thats right. im going to Purdue." the thing is, i just dont feel ready to go out on my own. i dont feel ready to leave home. i dont feel ready to leave my mom. i dont feel ready to go to college. i dont feel ready to grow up. i am so scared. scared of being on my own. mostly just scared of the unknown. i worry i cant make it. i am so scared. and im so not ready to go. i dont want to go. please dont make me go.

We were young, we were wild, we were restless

[We Weren't Crazy-Josh Gracin]

A post dedicated to Jen.

oh jen. how i love her. she is probably without a doubt my craziest friend. i dunno what goes on in her brain but i do believe she is six shades of crazy. oh but in the best possible way of course. i love hanging out with jen cuz she is so fun to be around. i laugh so so hard when i am with her cuz she is so darn funny. so funny. she had all the flailing and the voices and the sarcasm and the funnies. i always have fun with her, and if there is some frivolous, whimsy part of me buried, she brings it out. when we hang out there is always some hijinks, perhaps a little tomfoolery, and, dare i say it, some shenanigans going down. like at walmart, planting cucumbers in the pants, or condoms in the toy aisle. like blaring loud raptastic music while hanging out the sunroof. like driving down the worst streets in town to locate the ghetto ("welcome to the ghetto, we've got guns and gangs"). like finding streets we didnt even know existed. like riding bikes 15 miles just to feed our faces ice cream. like tard parking it up. like evading the police twice. like maing terribly awful homemade pancakes instead of buying mix cuz its "more fun." like retard bellowing about wings. like riding firetrucks while listening to Mentos Girl. like days spent at Ivanhoes. like getting stared at by creepsters on the hospital parking garage roof. like getting smothered by pillows to be woke up. like sitting on the uncomfotable tard teeter totter and talking. and so so many more. so many good times.

i met her junior year in ap chem. i was new and nobody was really talking to me. she leaned over and said "i like your earrings" and it just kinda blossomed from there. im so glad she did. im so glad we became friends. she really brightened my life a great deal with her silly craziness, her flailing, her word-making-upage. today was the last time im gonna see her for a while. i will miss her sooo much.

As our lives change, come whatever, we will still be friends forever.

[Graduation-Vitamin C]

Tonights blog=Meghans

Meghan. my best friend for the last eight years. i love her to pieces. she is honestly the best friend i have ever had and may ever have. we have been through everything together. i have told her things i have told nobody else. she means so much to me and im so thankful that she is my best friend. i dont know what i would have done without her all these years.

it sucks cuz i dont get to see her very much. i saw her over spring break, about 5 months ago. before that i hadnt seen her in a year. and that week i spent with her was one of the best weeks of my entire year. i didnt realize just how much i had missed having her in my life until i saw her again. and i didnt realize just how much i missed her until i had to leave her again. even though we havent seen each other in awhile, it doesnt matter. when i went up to see her after not seeing her in a year i was so worried things would be different between us, that maybe we had both changed too much to work anymore. but that fear was a ridiculous one. once i got there i realized that it didnt matter and it never would. once we saw each other again, it didnt matter how long we had been apart. it was like i had never left. we are best friends and thats how we will always be.

i have so many great memories with meghan. being neighbors. sleepovers. mooey. "im the only gay eskimo" lol. the ferris wheel. all her boyfriend drama. and my favorite, cool whip. me and meghan always eat a bucket of cool whip whenever we see each other. its just what we do. its comfort food to us. i actually refuse to eat cool whip any other time cuz im a sentimental fool. cool whip symbolizes time spent with my best friend. there is a backstory but ill save that for another night.

i miss her sooo much. im saving up so i can go see her again. and i will. someday. and when i do, i know that even though we have both changed, things between us will be the same. i love her cuz she is the best friend i have ever had, now and forever.

Meet me at the coffee shop, we can dance like Iggy Pop

[Coffee Shop-Red Hot Chili Peppers]

Memories of Carrie tonight

Ok so seriously, i love this girl. Carrie is the greatest. Im really glad we are friends. Carrie is the sweetest, greatest friend a girl could ask for. she is super kind but very protective of the people she loves. she is fun to be around. like i said, i love her to death.

so me and carries thing is def. our starbucks nights. whenever one of us is having a bad day or need to talk or just feel like hanging out, we call the other one up and are all like "i need a starbucks. meet me there" and thats what we do. and it always helps. we can sit in a starbucks just talking for hours about all kinds of stuff. i love our starbucks nights.

me and carrie also have this inside joke. *cue jaws theme* dadum. dadum. Whats that? oh my, wheres that coming from? *circling* dadum dadum *GLOMP* and of course that doesnt make a bit of sense to anybody who isnt me or carrie lol but its ok.

me and carrie were part of the wall group. i miss that lol. she was part of the dark. i was the cheer. good times, good times.

me and carrie also share an affinity for chinese food. so we fing ourselves frequenting new main moon. thats like our restaurant of choice. its pretty sweet. thats where me carrie and lacey ate on prom night. all dressed up in our fancy dresses before we went tromping about in walmart haha and everybody stared at us. it was fun. good times, good times.

oh and how could i forget about her cars? wombat and purple people eater. yay! good times.

love ya, carrie, and ill miss you when we go off our seperate ways to college but ill see you and ill call you and ill text you!

you don't have to call, its ok girl.

[U Don't Have to Call-Usher]

Tonights blog is dedicated to my text buddy.

so im constantly texting. my parents used to get a little peeved cuz im constantly texting. mom used to be like "oh for goodness sakes why dont you just call the girl?" and my answers always "cuz mom, we are text buddies duh. thats not how it works." and now when i get texts, especially at odd hours mom justs sighs and says "allie?" and im like "yep."

me and allie text all the time. about anything and everything. at all hours of the day. we have like this contest, who can text more each month... i always win :). but really, she is the majority of my texts. most of the time its just frivolous stuff like hey, what up, boo. but sometimes we get contemplative. and we contemplate. we pick a topic, a serious one, and we talk it over. its just what we do. sometimes she comes up with these super deep questions and i got to get my brain a-thinkin. some of her questions are hard, fersure.

when we were in school, we did this thing that we affectionately called texting a pocket off. when one of us was in a class we could text in (usually her 3rd hour and my 4th hour) we would just bombard the other persons phone with texts so that their pocket would sit there and buzz all through class. it was funny. once i sent her so many texts my phone wouldnt let me send any additional texts. i sent her like 150 in one hour haha.

she helps me reach my texting goals. i dont have this months count yet, but last months was almost 10,000. and most were to her. though some were to my cripple and others, most were to text buddy.

she listens when i text-rant. or text-complain. or when i feel silly. or when i feel contemplative. or when i have a bad day. cuz shes cool. and we are gonna keep texting for a long time i think. rock on text buddy.

I'm an emo kid, non-comforming as can be

[The Emo Song-Adam and Andrew]

ok so heres the deal: i have 7 days left before i go off to college. so for the next week im gonna make one post every night dedicated to memories and such of a particular friend. tonight is justins post.

so i really only became friends with justin this year. we had lunch together first semester. and we also sat in 'the wall' group together. and then we had first hour together all year. but the best time was independent study spanish. it was the greatest. spanish class was the highlight of my whole day. cuz basically it was an hour every day that i did zero work. me and justin sat back in the little corner roped off for all the independent study kids nd talked and laughed and drew pictures. and made glitter art and stick houses. and played guess who. and ate snacks. in fact, we did every single thing that had nothing to do with spanish. its a wonder we even passed that class cuz we never ever did our work.

me and justin have a crazy number of inside jokes. and none of them make alotta sense. but we think they are funny. when me and him have a convo, nobody knows what the heck we are talking about lol. we probably sound really dumb cuz we talk a bunch of nonsense. but it makes sense to our brains. a few of our inside jokes are morgan freeman, pony touchers, clown punching, dustin hoffman, corn, red haired witches, mr. takashima, kansas and nebraska, whores, google, crocodiles and alligators, csi, metaphors, the little men in our heads, personality disorder rangers, and soooo many more. its crazy. and hilarious. not to mention funny.

ya see, me and justin have a strange friendship. if a stranger were to listen to us talk, they would think me and justin hated each other. our standard greetings were "hey whore" or "hi slut." we constantly insulted each other. we threatened each other all the time. me and justin are completely disfunctional. dr. phil would be horrified lol. but bad names are more like terms of endearment. insults are like compliments. threats are the equivalent of wishing each other well. its just how we roll. and i wouldnt want it any other way.

I'm the bomb like tick tick

[Got Money-Lil Wayne ft. T-Pain]

ok so i just got done watching National Treasure 2, which is a good movie btw. i really did enjoy it, more than the first National Treasure actually. and im very tired but allie was prodding me to go read her blog. so here i am, online instead of sleeping. and seriously, i had a topic set to blog about. tonights blog was gonna be super prophetic, life changing if you will (not really, im lying). but anyways what i was gonna write about was much longer and i dont have the energy or the desire to write it right now. so goodnight yall. peace.

So goodbye, these days are gone and we can't keep holding on..

[These Hard Times-Matchbox 20]

so today was possibly the last kayla-jen-dani wing day for awhile. and its very very sad. i dont understand. how can our wing days be over? what will i do every thursday? who will i bellow at? me and dani might go next week. and that would be the last one. and it will be a good time. but not the same. never the same. oh im sad. i dont want it to be over.

even though i was sad at wing day, we had a super fuuuuntastic time. first, jen came over to my house, and we chilled. oh, side story. i got this terrible awful gift today. marion sent me a graduation gift. it was a shiny gold purse, complete with matching shiny gold calendar and cigarette case, and even though it has never been used, the purse calendar was from 1988! omg it was awful. terrible. pain on the eyes. ugh, anyways. jen came over and we chilled then we picked up dani and went to wing day. and Shaun aka Easy Mac greeted us. sadly, he wasnt our waiter. some girl with a crooked face was. and jen made an oragami bird outta a napkin. and we wrote on it and left it as a present for Easy Mac hahaha. it was really quite funny. you had to be there. see? ill miss our b-dub shenanigans!

seriously, every thursday for the rest of my life i will think of me, dani, and jen going to b-dubs to scarf down more wings than should be humanly possible. :)

Another summer day has come and gone away...

[Home-Michael Buble]

Ten days. Only ten days. Until i leave for college. ten. such a tiny number. i cant believe it. ten. i keep saying it but it doesnt seem real. how can i be leaving in only ten days? where did my summer go? ten. i know its so very cliched but it seems like only yesterday..... but the thing is, its true. it does seem like only yesterday i was starting my senior year. and i dont know how many times i or one of my friends said "oh i cant wait to get outta this place" and i thought it seemed like such a long time until high school would end. ten. and then before i knew it i was in my cap and gown walking at graduation. and then i thought "oh summer is a such a long time. i have plenty of time." and now i sit here with only ten days til i leave and i realize it really wasnt that long at all. ten. its crazy cuz i dont know where it all went. ten days. it doesnt seem possible that my whole summer could have passed away so fast. where did my summer go? ten. now i would give anything to slow time down. its slipping away much too fast. the days come and go so quickly and even though i try to pack them full of friend time/packing/getting ready/everything i need or want to do its just not enough. its not enough at all. ten days. i want more time. ten days is not enough.

I can tie a knot in a cherry stem. I can tell you about Leif Ericson

[Handlebars-Flobots]

Well, one of those is true at any rate. I cant tell you a single thing about Leif Ericson, so guess which one that leaves. Yep, i can add a new talent to my list. I can tie a knot in a cherry stem. I am also a starburst unwrapping fiend.

Its a talent i picked up while at my sisters house the other day. she was telling me how she tied a know in a cherry stem while at applebees and i remarked that i had never tried that. i dont like cherries so its not like a have them laying around to use the stem. so she sends someone to bring us cherry stems so we can practice. well, the first time i got a broken cherry stem. and i got so frustrated cuz i couldnt tie it in a knot. so i gave up. and they laughed at me cuz i couldnt do it. well later i decided to try again. and i got an unbroken cherry stem. AND I TOTALLY TIED IT IN A KNOT! HA!

then i told her the other test was if you could unwrap a starburst in your mouth. so she sent for some starbursts. let me tell you, i can unwrap a starburst in no time flat. go me.

i feel sufficiently prepared for college ;)

Trouble is her only friend, and he's back again.

[Carry You Home-James Blunt]

So i went over to my stepsisters house last night so i could babysit this morning. her house is the epitome of craziness. makes me appreciate the normalcy of my own home. i mean, i love that family to death. and i like going over there for a little bit cuz its a break from the mundane normalcy of my house. but after a little bit im ready to return to the comforts of my quiet, structured household. there is alot of fighting, yelling, cussing, and boyisms that im not used to. and right now its extra crazy. she is going through a divorce and it is a terrible one. very very messy. but in my opinion, both sides are being super immature and slightly ridiculous. yes, her soon to be ex has done quite a few crappy things, but she is not perfect either. for example, she condemns him for cheating on her. yes, thats terrible and i dont agree with it at all. but then she turns around and actively pursues a married man. hypocritical? absolutely. and i have very little sympathy for her or him cuz i think they bring alot of it on themselves. and i also am not ridiculously one sided like everybody else. like she thinks i should be. i see both sides. and i refuse to treat him the way she thinks i should just cuz she and him are getting a divorce.

my main concern anyways is the kids stuck in the middle. they are suffering most and the two parents dont seem to notice. its quite ridiculous (wow i used that word alot. but its really the best description of the situation). being a child of divorced parents, i know it sucks. but at least my parents were rational and kept me out of the middle as much as possible... well my mom did at least.

i guess i shouldnt knock her too bad. shes and her family are always good to me. she is very sisterly. and im happy about that.

oh well. theres not much i can do other than sit back and watch all the drama unfold.

And one day we'll get nostalgic for disaster

[Hum Hallelujah-Fall Out Boy]

So tonight was so much fun. i called Jo up, cuz i was super bored. and we went to wendys for dinner and we were like "hmmm...what shall we do?" so we decided to go visit our favoritest cripple in the entire world aka dani. cuz she was on logan duty and couldnt leave. and we played guitar hero like fiends and chatted and whatnot. and then jen texted me and i invited her to danis house. cuz im totally at liberty to do stuff like that. so i had to go home and let the dog out and when i was on my way back to danis house, carrie invited me to starbucks, which i kindly declined cuz i had to go back to my cripples house. carrie wanted to see jo so she and her cousin headed over to danis too. we decided to go to the tard park, one of our favorite places in town. and jen and dani rode with me. which i totally cant understand why everybody wants to ride in my car. im not that good of a driver. i almost got hit by a car tonight. jen freaked. but the key thing is i didnt get us hit. so we get to the tard park and meet up with ann and kyra.

we wanted to swing. one of the tard swings is missing and carries stupid cousin (she smacked my bum really hard! and she didnt even pay me!) so dani didnt have a swing. we got in the tard swing together and swung. it was fun yet painful. not to mention she pulled out one of my earrings. that ho. ann and jen got in the tard swing together and i was pushing them. then they wanted to stop... and i like straight up face tackled that swing to stop it. i really just misjudged how far it would swing up and all that. my chin started bleeding and it cracked my jaw all the way up to my ears. me and jen went up to my car so i could look at my damaged face, just as the cops pulled up. me and jen evaded the cops a second time! hahahaha. it was sooooooo much fun. i love my friends. they are the most ridiculous, retarded, crazy, funny people i know and thats why i love them.

LONG LIVE THE TARD PARK!

Come hell or high water

[Bang the Doldrums-Fall Out Boy]

You know what im gonna spend my day doing? Im gonna finish a book. Im reading a positively delicious book. Positively delicous i say. Its called Black Ice by Anne Stuart. And its tasty. The perfect combination of sex and violence, of action and romance. Just like every other book in the Ice series. Yummo. I loved them all and this one is no exception. Like the other books in the series, there is a mysterious man that works for this secret agency, similar to the CIA or something. Very James Bond-like. And he is undercover trying to keep tabs on an arms cartel. Then there is the lovely girl who unknowingly stumbles across this dangerous mess of danger. And the secret agent man falls for her. With a generous dose of action, violence, and sex thrown in for good measure. Good stuff. And Im about 3/4 of the way through it. So im gonna spend my day reading the deliciousness that is this book. After this I only have one left in the series to read. which is very sad. It would be fine with me if these book stretched on for the rest of my life. So anyways, later yall.