I hate my job.

i worked for 12 continuous hours yesterday. GROSS. i was scheduled a 4 hours shift. i switched with Liz for an 8 hours shift. then Jordan asked me to work until midnight for him. 12 noon- 12 midnight. holy hell. and it was busy as fuck. and i had to deal with so many assholes. like there were a few people that i think i literally could have shanked in the eye if i had had a shank and there were no legal reprocussions for said act. i could have done it. ill be honest. i dont like to wait in line any more than the next person does. but it is memorial day weekend, when every person needs to buy stuff so really long lines are to be expected. and for fucks sake people, they are only groceries. no need to get that angry.

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEF

i had a really great day with my beef today! we hung out at the park for hours. like serious, 5 hours. we sat at a bench by the river and smoked hooka, and bitched about home, and talked about life. and it was awesome. because i love her... but secretly. no homo. :D

but seriously, why was there a coffee can of dead fish and why did that small boy have to open it?

Low is where your heart is, but your heart has to grow

[Driftwood-Travis]

so ya know how i have been worrying alot lately about my summer living situation? well all that worry was completely unnecessary. i thought joel was gonna forget, or back out, or ask me to sublease and i was all worried and stuff. so i called him today, and when he returned my call, he was the one to bring it up actually. he asked me when i was comin back, and said i could show up whenever. he said hed have a key made for me and if he was busy that day, he would meet me so i could go ahead and move in. he said since tim has moved out, i could take tims room since it was bigger. he also said that he was going this week to see if the apartment complex would move a bed back into one of the rooms so that i could have a real bed to sleep in.

this all makes me quite delighted. one, because i am not homeless as i had been worried about.

two, because he did not let me down (this time at least). i realize none of this is a declaration of undying love. i get it, i know. howeverrrrrr, this does mean that he remembered something that was important to me (like not being homeless). he went so far as to think about things, like me being in the bigger room and trying to get me a bed, that would make me more comfortable. thats nice. thats what friends do. he thought about someone other than himself for a change, so i must be slightly important. also, i feel like this works towards proving that he is not quite as bad as everyone thinks he is. and it pleases me.

Please excuse me while i whine

i am about to complain. alot.

I think i hate being home. i hate wasting 30 hours of my week working in a place i absolutely despise. i hate every single second i am at work. sometimes i think the money isnt really worth it. i hate the fact that i dont have my other job to look forward to. im tired of being here, with nothing to do. im tired of wasting what little bit of freedom i do have doing nothing. secretly, im tired of most of my friends here, so i dont even have hanging out with them to look forward to. im tired of my parents treating me like a child and telling me what to do. i hate being relentlessly pursued by a boy that i have absolutely no interest in.
i hate the uncertainty that i feel at the moment about my living situation once i get back to WL. i feel like things should be all settled, but ive learned not to completely trust him ever so i worry. his comments dont seem to have any indication that he recalls that i am living with him, and i have heard that his roommate is after me to sublease. i just want to know if i do have a place to stay or if i have to make other arrangements.
i hate the monotony that has overtaken my life. i just want to feel excited about something.

It's a state of affairs and a state of emotions, the kind of thing that you must understand

[But Anyways-Blues Travelers]

so i was at work tonight, just going about my cashier-like business, when i look up at the next customer to give my customary and uncaring "hi, how are you, do you have your marsh card?" and who is my next customer? a boy a know from purdue. he is one of the guys up at the house by the name of Doorstop. Apparently, home for him is LaFontaine. He recognized me, and i was pleased. Because to be completely honest, i think that Doorstop is twelve kinds of adorable. im not sure why. he is kinda nerdy, and a bit silly, but i think he is all sorts of cute. and im a bit annoyed, because my first thought is... "why cant it be doorstop instead of ryan????? that would just make everything easier" because i wouldnt even think twice. i would basically just say yes times a thousand. which brings me back to the fact that the problem is just the idea of dating ryan. anywaysssss, i talked to Doorstop for a little bit, and then he left, and secretly i hope that he comes back.

That's right bitches. I'm blogging from my new iPod touch.

Delish New Music.

i have found some delicious new music. I wish to share.

>Ray Lamontagne. He is suppppperrrr chill. kinda old school bluesy almost. but i like it. especially "Trouble"

>Carbon Leaf. "Grey Sky Eyes" and "Life Less Ordinary" are my favssss

>Wakey!Wakey! Indie and delightful. I like "Dance so Good" for something more chill and also "Twenty-Two"

Dream.

I had a weird dream.

I dreamt that i moved back to WL for the summer. I am in fact doing that soon, and I am moving in with Joel (hopefully, if he follows through). In my dream, i showed up at his apartment to move in with him. He was not there. I discovered that my mother had had him arrested for, what else, being a drug dealer. I called her and confronted her. It was a plan to protect me and to get me to come back home. I screamed at her. I told her that i was now homeless because of her, and furthermore, i loved him and this was hurting me. I refused to come back home because of what she had done. I was immensely sad. I started walking around the slums of WL, which we dont really have any but i was walking around them nonetheless, trying to find a place to live. I was just asking strangers if i could live with them. I asked to men standing in the yard outside their house. they said no and walked inside. I saw a rather tired looking woman with 4 kids walking down the street. i bargained with her, told her id take care of her kids if i could live with her. she agreed. we walked back to her house. she put me in charge of two of her kids. a set of twins, a boy and a girl. she took her other kids and left. i was in charge of putting the kids to bed. they were not very good kids, but i managed. and then... their eyes started to glow. the kids were partly possessed. not like all the time, just sometimes. and their eyes would start to glow to mark their moments of possession. during these times, they were exponentially worse, going so far as to try to kill me. for some reason, i was not frightened by this, i found it funny. and when the children were hungry, i fed them raw chicken. apparently this is what demons eat.

and then i woke up.

Goodbye, She!!

i was not scheduled to work tonight. the closer was sick tonight. i covered for him. on my way to work, my lovely car informed me that my traction system and anti-lock brake system decided to shit out. yay. work wasnt too bad. except i was alone alot. the other cashier left at 8. Tennessee was with me til 9. a cute boy came through my line. he was probably the nicest person i talked to all day. some other guy came in later. when i held out my hand for the money, he slapped it into my hand in a very high five-esque fashion. he told me to have a good night, and i said "ok i will." he responded with something very profound: "I like your attitude!!! that'll get you places in life! he paused, and then "im not quite sure where itll get you, but im sure youll get somewhere." and then he walked off, leaving me a little confused as to what the hell was up with him. it wasnt a horrible night at work.

lassjf;askjglkjasjhafsjghasigadfkjl

i fucking hate my job.

i fucking hate people.

i literally thought of just walking out of the store. just straight up leaving the giant line of people standing there and just walking out, getting into my car, and never returning to that horrible place.

i hate it there.

Just some MLIA to brighten your day

"Today, I read a warning on my blanket that said "not to be used as protection from a tornado." Well there goes plan A. MLIA"

The stars lean down to kiss you, and I lie awake and miss you.

[Vanilla Twilight-Owl City]

I went to Meijers tonight.



I stopped to look at the fish in the aquarium.



Because it reminded me of him.



Who is a big ginormous fag?? Oh thats right, I am :/

A PSA for all you late night shoppers.

Dear Valued Customers,

I realize that you believe that your grocery list is of the utmost importance in the whole scheme of things. I mean, how could the world possibly keep spinning if you did not rush in and finish your grocery shopping at midnight... God forbid you should have to wait til the next day! But let me let you in on a little secret: I do not care about your late night cravings. I do not care if you ran out of milk, or if you need one last ingredient for your recipe, or if your grandkids want you to buy them snacks. I dont care. The grocery store is open between the hours of 6am and 12 midnight. That does not mean that you can shop indefinately, until every last item is checked off your list. That means you have until 12 oclock at night to finish your business and get the hell out.

Furthermore, I make friendly announcements reminding you that the store is closing. I go so far as to give you 15, 10, and 5 minute warnings. Believe you me, I dont make these announcements just because I like to play on the loudspeaker. No, these announcements are gentle hints that you need to grab your groceries and scram. PLEASE DO NOT IGNORE THEM. Pick up your last fucking items and get your ass out of the store. I dont want to be there a minute longer than I have to be.

Sincerely,
Your friendly closing cashier.

what a beautiful song :]

Driftwood by Travis

Everything is open
Nothing is set in stone
Rivers turn to ocean
Oceans tide you home
Home is where your heart is
But your heart had to roam
Drifting over bridges
Never to return
Watching bridges burn

{chorus}
You’re driftwood floating underwater
Breaking into pieces pieces pieces
Just driftwood hollow and of no use
Waterfalls will find you bind you grind you

Nobody is an island
Everyone has to go
Pillars turn to butter
Butterflying low
Low is where your heart is
But your heart has to grow
Drifting under bridges
Never with the flow

And you really didn’t think it would happen
But it really is the end of the line
So I’m sorry that you turned to driftwood
But you’ve been drifting for a long long time

Everywhere there’s trouble
Nowhere’s safe to go
Pushes turn to shovel’s
Shovelling the snow
Frozen you have chosen
The path you wish to go
Drifting now forever
And forever more
Until you reach your shore

(chorus)
You’re driftwood floating underwater
Breaking into pieces pieces pieces
Just driftwood hollow and of no use
Waterfalls will find you bind you grind you

And you really didn’t think it would happen
But it really is the end of the line
So I’m sorry that you turned to driftwood
But you’ve been drifting for a long long time
You’ve been drifting for a long long time
You’ve been drifting for a long long
Drifting for a long long time

Human eyes are so

obsessed with clarity. What

if truth is a blur?

What Google doesnt know.

"I bet whales are fuzzy. like Shamoo. I bet Shamoo is fuzzy"

"Um no i dont think so."

"How would you know? have you ever petted a Shamoo?"

"Well no."

"Then you dont know.

"Really though, i imagine it would be like petting a dolphin. they are smooth, not fuzzy."

"No, i think they are fuzzy. A whale trainer would know."

"Why dont you just Google it? Google will tell you they are not fuzzy."

"When was the last time Google ever petted a Shamoo?! Never! So Google doesnt know!"

It's gonna be great, I can tell but anyway. I see a new, a new day a dawning

[But Anyway-Blues Travelers]

i am home. school is over and i have a few weeks off before i start summer classes. it i late-ish and i am tired and i am feeling reflective.

sophomore year was a good year. perhaps not academically. i went into the first semester of this year with a 3.71 overall GPA. i ended that semester with a 3.15 overall and a 2.12 for that semester. i am anxiously awaiting my grades for this semester.

but i had so much more fun this semester. i made alotta new friends and grew closer to some pre-existing ones. i went out more and did more. overall, id say this year epitomized what college should be like, what i imagined it would be like.

it was a year of new experiences. i experienced epic failure in my classes. i experienced almost unbearable stress. i made choices i maybe wasnt always proud of. i made choices that were probably rather stupid. but they were my choices and it was all part of growing up. i drank more and partied more than last year. i smoked. i nearly had an intervention planned for me. i learned who my real friends were and who was only around to judge and babysit me. i chased a boy or two, and even had one chase after me. i watched my best friend get married. i went drunk sledding. i lost my roomie and gained a new one. i got promoted at work. i told my father exactly how i felt about him. i went on a pretty fun spring break trip to alabama. but i also worked hard. i spent entire nights studying and working on projects. i had a good year.

and im super excited for the next two years :)

I dont know why, but i thought this was too funny. i am lame.

ChE 205 can suck it.

well exams are over. i am done with my sophomore year of college. crazyyyyy. i feel olddddd. and time is going by so fast. im gonna be out in the real world before i even know it. this year was a good year... maybe not gradewise lol, but it was alotta fun. first semester was a bitch. thank you Orgo, ChE 205, and Physics for shooting my GPA all to hell and getting my plan of study all off track. this semester went much better... i think. i know my math grade will be bad, and im praying for a C in 205. but my two spanish grades, soc grade, and my management grade should be pretty swiss.



speaking of 205, i had my final exam for that class tonight. it was terrible. it literally made a girl cry. she sat there and sniffled the entire exam. it pissed me off. i might very well have to change my major after that. i studied for like 2 weeks and did it help at all? noooo. and i didnt think anything else we have done in the class was representative of that final. oh well, its over and there is nothing i can do about it now. im just relieved its over.

I am feeling so incredibly suffocated. and i hate it.

oh piss. what a mess.