Dress shopping :D

its time to go dress shopping again! im going to the Founder's Day formal at the house. im going with sizlak. he might not have been my first choice, but hes a nice guy, and i know ill have fun with him because hes my friend. im excited to go actually, because what girl doesnt love an excuse to get all dolled up?

Wake up the dawn and ask her why, a dreamer dreams she never dies

[Champagne Supernove-oasis]

its an interesting feeling when someone you love stabs you in the back. its a terrible feeling, but interesting nonetheless. it hurts, because this is someone you loved and trusted. it hurts because you dont feel like you would ever hurt them in the same fashion. i think it makes you feel alone; if you dont have the people who are supposed to be closest to you, who do you have? it seems easier to withdraw from people, because its harder to trust or care about people, because they could ultimately hurt you too. but at the same time, its an entirely important life experience that everyone has to go through. it reinforces that people will ultimately let you down. it teaches you not to trust as fully as you could. but at the same time, it lets you see the people who actually care about you. it makes you value the few people in your life that you do trust explicitly, because they are so rare.



its an interesting feeling getting over it too. it would be so easy to get angry, to yell, to accuse, to be just as terrible. but after awhile, you just have to let it go, and accept it for what it is. its not worth all the anger and pain holding onto it can cause. its just one more life lesson that you have to acknowledge and move on from.

tyler confirmed what i knew all along. shes fucking the one person that was off limits. i was incredibly upset about it, but i realized neither of them are really worth it. i dont think i can trust her at all anymore, but there is nothing i can do about it except appreciate the people i can trust and move on. im not upset by them. i feel so much lighter.

I don't want to come back down from this cloud.

[Comedown-Bush]

i rarely dream anymore.

Don't judge me.

i am once again the reigning champion of catan.

Sometimes things get complicated

[Sometimes Things Get, Whatever-Deadmau5]

I have the potential to be terrible.

Black hole sun, won't you come and wash away the rain?

[Black Hole Sun-Soundgarden]

do you think if you pretend hard enough you could make something come true?





i am at a crossroads.





i dont want to think shes lying to me. she said she i was her best friend. i do not want to believe that she looked me right in the eye and with all sincerity lied straight to my face. i think that would actually hurt more than her just admitting it.





so if i ignore what i think is true, and pretend i never read those text messages, can we just make things go back to the way we were? or will this eventually eat at me, even though i dont think i want to deal with this?





one road leads me towards this play-pretend scenario. i hope and pray that she was telling the truth and ignore everything else in hopes that we will just be fine.The other road could ultimately lead me away from her.



I think i want the first one.



I hope she doesnt hurt me.

I can only tell you what it feels like, and right now there's a steel knife in my windpipe.

[Love the Way You Lie-Eminem]

I think i might go away for a while. or maybe forever. i feel like my whole life is crumbling around me, and im not sure how to stop it. and i dont know if its even worth fixing. i think that i could go somewhere else, somewhere far away, and i could be someone completely different. and maybe, just maybe, i could be happy.