So this is the new year, and I don't feel any different

[New Year-Death Cab for Cutie]

ok so its now techinically new years eve. so its time for me to make a some new years resolutions. hopefully i can keep some of them.



1. go to the gym more

2. lose more weight

3. join a club, group, or something other than work and class to get me involved

4. make a new friend

5. go on a date

6. call my Gramcracker more often

7. talk to my besty on a regular basis

8. get good grades this semester

9. get sick less

10. get more sleep

11. study more

12. learn random things

13. balance work and school better

14. try some new things.

15. have fun!

i hope to keep at least one of these :p

You got me trippin', stumblin', flippin', fumblin'.

[Clumsy-Fergie]

i have a new addiction. StumbleUpon. its awesome! you basically dowload the toolbar, pick the topics you are interested in, and go. Stumble finds you random sites related to your interests. it is great. i highly recommend it. everyone, go Stumble!

You dropped the ball, now the game is through.

[Game Is Over-*NSYNC]

today was the last day of this years regular season. yes, this is a blog about football, summing up the highlights of this year and casting my predictions for the post season.



starting with the home team, my favorite, the indianapolis colts. after a rough start this year, the colts finished strong, securing their spot in the playoff last week with a win against jacksonville. today, they skunked the tennessee titans with a 23-0 win. however, they did not win the division as they have done the last five years. next week, they play the san diego chargers on the road to kick off the post season. yes, the colts have beaten the chargers in the regular season, but im still a little worried. but im still gonna have to be loyal to my team and predict that the colts will win.



today, the detroit lions made NFL history. they are the first team to go 0-16. yes, thats right, they lost every single game this season. rock on, lions.

Kudos to the New England Patriots. While they did not make it into the playoffs, they finished their season 11-5. And before you say, "why, thats no big deal," keep in mind they lost their star quarterback very early in the season and had to play their backup quarterback, Matt Cassel. and they still finished 11-5. Does this mean, dare i say it, that perhaps Tom Brady is not all that???

Brett Favre and his Jets finished the season averagely. He is again talking about retirement. I dont believe it for a second.

Aaron Rodgers didnt do half bad as Favre's replacement for the Packers. i say give him a couple of years and Green Bay will be saying Brett Who??

The Cowboys were by far, in my opinion at least, the greatest disappointment of the season. And no, i dont say that only because they were my early Super Bowl pick. They started strong, yet fizzled as the season progressed. Of course, their quarterback, Tony Romo, was out for a few games after breaking his pinkie finger on his throwing hand, but still. After epically failing in their last game of the season against Philidelphia, they failed to make it into the playoffs.

I hope the Colts will win the Super Bowl. i dont know how realistic that is, but a girl can dream right? Go Colts!

Have some more chicken. Have some more pie. It doesn't matter if it's boiled or fried.

[Eat It-Weird Al Yankovic]

tonights random topic is a good one. Mayolers. Mayolers are young Japanese folk who love mayonnaise. im not kidding. these mayolers take mayonnaise consumption to a whole new level. a few popular mayonnaisey treats include the ice cream topped with mayonnaise, chocolate bars dipped in mayonnaise, mayonnaise fondue, mayonnaise milkshakes, and even the mayogarita (yes, thats a margarita with mayonnaise). yummo. there is even a restaurant in japan called The Mayonnaise Kitchen where, you guessed it, everything is made with deliciousm artery-clogging mayo. rock on mayolers, your eating habits are hardcore.

Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

[Unwritten-Natasha Bedingfield]

Today i did something i have not done since august. i finished reading a book just for fun. and what a delightful book it was. seriously, i havent read a book my entire first semster at college. i dont have time. hoorah for christmas break and having enough time to chillax.

My world is changing, I'm rearranging. Does that mean Christmas changes too?

[Where Are You Christmas?-Faith Hill]

today was christmas. and it was not a very good one. i mean it wasnt horrible. but it didnt rank up there in the list of good ones. bob was sick. i am getting sick. mom started to not feel well. usually we spend it with family. but Gramcracker went to florida and my aunt chose to stay home with her new boyfriend. my other aunt and uncle wouldnt come over cuz we werent having a delightfully non-traditional dinner of spaghetti and garlic bread and my stupid aunt doesnt eat that stuff. so it was just me mom and bob. which is ok, just different. and money was tight this year so there werent too many presents. and i already knew almost everything i was getting. i got 4 new shirts. a new hoodie. a new pair of pants. some gloves. a printer. printer paper. and a hundred bucks. which is pretty good, i mean i dont wanna sound spoiled and selfish or anything. i stayed in my pjs all day. and i took a 3 hour nap in the middle of the day. then we had salad, spaghetti, garlic bread, and peach pie. it was pretty much the best christmas dinner i have ever had though. seriously, why does the joy of christmas start to fade away? its a gradual thing as you get older. christmas has always been my favorite holiday. in years past, i would wake up at the crack of dawn and scamper about the house waking up various family members in a fit of excitement. this morning, mom came in and told me to get up and i grumbled "it will still be christmas at noon. now leave me alone." i never used to be like that before. but slowly over the years it grew into that. i had less spirit this year. its just depressing really. and now that christmas is over, im sad that i missed all the spirit i should have had but didnt. its quite sad. maybe next year ill be better.

So take me back to Constantinople. No, you can't go back to Constantinople.

[Istanbul (Not Constantinople)-They Might Be Giants]

time for tonight's random search. tonights topic: snakehead fish. snakehead fish are native to asia, but somehow made it over here to the US. and what, you might ask, makes these fish special and worthy of a mention in my blog? these fish are freakin crazy. they are like super fish. i kid you not. they have sharp teeth and they bite people. they are smart for fish. they hate to be caged and do just about anything to escape. they can survive outta water for three days and they can squiggle across land. they have gills and almost-lungs. and they are scary looking! oh the things i stumble across....

Tell my mother, tell my father I have done the best I can

[Second Chance-Shinedown]

i got my first semester grades today. they were AMAZING! i was super suprised.

Math-A

Engineering126-A

Chemistry-A

Engineering100-Pass

Engineering104-A

Physics-A-

i was so happily suprised. i couldnt believe it. thank you God. my GPA is a 3.94. not to shabby if i do say so myself. next semester is gonna be so hard though. ugh. but ill be ok. i made mom and bob so proud with my grades. that made me happy too. mom told me i should call my dad and tell him. but i refused. right before i went to college, he told me he wanted access to my grades to check up on me, "to make sure he was making a good investement" in my college education. he doubted me. my own father doubted me. well, he can take his stupid doubt and shove it. 3.94 baby. hows that for an investment???

All together, this and that. With all our tricks, we're making Christmastime.

[Making Christmas-The Nightmare Before Christmas]

oh, btw... its almost christmas!!!!!!!!

Somebody get me through this nightmare.

[Animal I Have Become-Three Days Grace]

like i mentioned in my previous post, sometimes i just randomly search random topics to learn stuff about them. so i thought i would share. tonights random search: necrorizing faciitis, aka flesh eating disease/flesh eating bacteria. which is actually a misnomer. the bacteria doesnt actually "eat" the skin. the bacteria release toxins that destroy the surrounding tissue. you can find some of these troublesome little bacteria in ocean water, sea critters, people with strep A, or even in your own intestines. how weird. and interesting. and thoroughly disgusting.

I know you wanna leave me, but I refuse to let you go. If I have to beg, plead for your sympathy, I don't mind 'cause you mean that much to me.

[Ain't Too Proud to Beg-The Temptations]

so often i get these weird impulses to look up random stuff on the internet and read about it. seriously, its always fairly random. but it makes me learn stuff. past topics have included rogue waves, industrial piercings, and bubble tea. Tonight i read short biographies about the members of the oldies group The Temptations(hence the classic Temptations song as my title). interesting stuff. just thought id let yall know :)

You're hiding regret in your smile. There's a storm in your eyes that's been passing for awhile.

[Lie-David Cook]

today i decided to clean out my voice mail mailbox thing. see, im really bad about getting a voice mail, listening to it, then hanging up the phone before deleting it. or sometimes, i purposely save certain messages because of their sentimental value. at any rate, i decided to listen to all my old messages and get rid of the ones i didnt need. there were a few that i had just forgotten to erase: one from mom reminding me to bring something home, one from dani telling me to call her back, and things of that sort that i simply erased. there were other ones i kept because i meant to keep them: a funny message from my best friend meghan, a sweet message from an old friend angie, and a few others i resaved. but by far, the greatest number of messages on my phone were voice mails from my dad. and i said to myself, "Self, why do you have all these messages from dad on the phone?" and deep down i knew. now bear with me, im about to go all Dr. Phil on ya. almost all of my dads voice mails were super sweet, telling me how much he loved me and how proud he was of me, telling me how much he missed me and how much he wanted to see me. and i had saved all these messages because i thought thats what i wanted to hear. i thought that i would save all these messages of him saying these things and that would somehow fix everything between me and dad, that just cuz i had messages of him saying these words that it automatically made the words true. but then, as i listened to all these messages, i realized that the words were just that: words. empty words. words are meaningless unless there are actions to back them up. and the fact is, my dad had rarely produced any actions that back up his words. and all the time i had been saving those messages, i had been holding on to little falsities cuz i wanted them to be true. but ya know what? im done with them. i erased all the messages. well, all except one. the one message i saved from him is the one he left me the day after i confronted him about him taking mom back to court and told him how it upset me. we fought and i hung up on him and wouldnt speak to him. he called me and started out apologetically, but at the message went on, he got angrier and angrier. he started to criticize me for disagreeing with him. he said things that almost seemed like he was trying to draw me back into the fight. and i feel like that message outta all of them most accurately portrayed him. i saved that one to remind me of the real him. and one day i know i need to let go of that one too. but not yet.

And maybe somday we will meet, and maybe talk and not just speak

[Same Mistake-James Blunt]

so there is a boy. and no, this is not some post dedicated to my newest crush. to be honest, i have never met this guy. and no, this is not some random creeper i met on the internet or anything. he is a friend of a friend. Michelle (ill call her that too, refer to allies Inspiration! post) has been telling me all about this guy, Paul. and Paul claims to be in love with Michelle. they met through a mutual friend, and he fell for her. problem is, she was already (and still is) in a serious relationship with another guy. so Paul has a classic case of epically bad timing. so anyways, she has been telling me about him and how sweet he is. and i jokingly said she should let me have him cuz she clearly doesnt need him. so she gave him my number and he suprised me one night by texting me. and we talk sometimes. and he intrigues me. he seems like a nice guy. a nice guy with terrible self esteem. he seems to base his entire self-worth on the fact that Michelle doesnt return the affection. and he makes me sad. very very sad. kinda because i can see a little of myself in him. he breaks my heart a little every time we talk. he says the most sadly beautiful things. the other night i was talking to him on the phone, and i was going all Dr. Phil on him, and he said "i want to tell you something right now." and i said "ok go ahead." and he said "but i dont know how to say it." and i said, "well just try." and he said "promise you wont judge me." and i said "of course i wont judge you." and there was a very long silence. and he said "nevermind, i cant." and i said "its ok, you can tell me." and another long silence. and he blurted out "im so high right now. i do this all the time. i dont know why. and im afraid to tell Michelle." and i was shocked. i was shocked partly by this admission, but also because he trusted me with this secret that he wouldnt even tell the girl he cared about. he trusted me not to judge him. and i didnt really know what to say to him. a few minutes after we hung up, he texted me. and he said "you hate me now dont you?" and that broke my heart most of all. how could he think that just cuz of that admission i would hate him? no way. and i told him that. i dont hate him. its not my place to judge him and his past times. i really appreciate more that he trusts me enough to tell me things (or lets the drugs speak for him) and that he cares what i think about him. i hope that i can continue to talk to him. and maybe i can meet him one day.

Hold on, feeling like I'm headed for a breakdown.

[Unwell-Matchbox Twenty]

finals week=hell. it has driven me to the brink of tears. im am so worried about my calc final tomorrow. i have been studying all day. i have done 24 pages of practice problems and i dont feel like im any better off than when i started. the last parctice exam i took i got a whopping 10/25. thats pure failure right there. im so afraid i will fail this class. or ill do bad in it and everything will spiral out of control. if i get less than a C in one of my core engineering classes, i dont get to pass outta first year engineering. if i do pass but get a bad grade, my GPA will be low and i will lose my scholarships and wont be able to afford to go to college here. and thats no exaggeration. and im so stressed out cuz i have so much to do to prepare for my exams but not enough time. i need to study math for like another 6 weeks to be ready for this exam. i need to make my physics crib sheet. i need to study chem. oh, and my roomie expects me to teach her an entire semester of chem even though she didnt teach me math like she promised. i have three exams in the next two days. oh, and i also have to fit in eight hours of work. tomorrow i have to wake up to go study physics from 10:30-12:30. then a little study time. fail my math exam from 4-6. go to work from 6:30 til close. come home, study for tomorrows exams, make my crib sheet. wake up the next morning to fail my physics exam from 8-10 am. go to work from 11:30-3:30. then a little more down time to study. then hopefully do well on my chem exam from 7-9 pm. and i am stressing out bug time cuz there is not enough time. and im so stupid. i just cant get the hang of this math stuff. and i dont wanna fail. please God let me do well.

When you run come around, cuz I know you're the talk of the town yeah. Whoop Whoop!

[Calabria-Enur]

so tonight i went to a friends Christmas party. and i had fun. i was pretty happy cuz i have never been invited to many parties (this was competely non-alcoholic btw). who am i kidding? i have never had many friends to invite me to parties. but anywho, this girl i work with, tabatha, invited me to this little Christmas party she was having. and even though i should have been studying or working, i deicided to go anyways. we baked cookies and watched movies and such. just kinda hung out. it was cool. and i always fear being socially awkward at parties and such but it was ok. i felt accepted. tabatha is so nice. im glad i met her. she had really brought me into the group and im very grateful. silly jayne left the tanks lights on so when we tried to leave tabatha's, the car battery was dead. and unfortunately, it is very very hard to jump a beastly 1980s cadillac. so some nice girl from the party gave us a lift back to jayne's apartment. we played apples to apples and i met all jaynes friends. i was much more socially awkward there, but they were all pretty nice.

unfortunately, siince the dead car was still at tabatha's, jayne could not give me a ride home. and i didnt really wanna walk home in the cold so i called the girl next door. but she told me to go catch a bus. i was pretty mad at her. seriously, i help her out. and i have helped her out in a very similar situation. and she also asked me for a favor, that i teach her chemistry tomorrow. but she wouldnt help me out. luckily i got a ride home from some weird guy i didnt know or i woulda had to walk home. i was pretty mad at her. everyone should read allie's blog about it.

then i got home and katie invited me upstairs to play apples again with her and mandy and parker and brendan. it was fun. i like them. i feel like i have alotta friends here. and i go out and do more stuff now than ever before. last night i was invited to the 5 Dubs dance party (It was legit!) and i went to that. i was super super awkward cuz i have no idea how to dance. but i slowly warmed up.

now its time to sleep. and tomorrow, hardcore study for finals. night all :)

Free love on the streets, but in the alley and I ain't that cheap

[I Don't Care-Fall Out Boy]

ok so i havent posted in a very long time. so, lets see, what has been going on? ummm i just got back from Thanksgiving break. it was not too bad, but it needed to be longer. i got together with the whole fam for thanksgiving. i was grilled in the most awkward fashion on thanksgiving... about sex and skittles. yeah, weird. then the fam chilled for a while and then after all the cooking and cleaning and visiting and stuff it was over and i chillaxed. i had two starbucks nights with my friendsys back home. and no wing days :(. ummm jen and dani visited me at purdue for a weekend. we won the IU-Purdue game in a major victory. what else what else? i realized that as much as i love my parents and home, im glad to be on my own here at college. my roomie's gpa died and so i have to keep her busy. i have an exam on wed. tomorrow is gonna be busy. i might go shopping for Christmas stuff this weekend. bridgette is having two friends in this weekend too. and im uber tired so im bouts to go to bed. so thats a quick recap of everything.