Here's to goodbye, tomorrow's gonna come too soon..

[Here's to the Night-Eve 6]

i leave tomorrow.. well techinically its today now. i leave. im going away. leaving home. leaving my friends. leaving my family. leaving the life i have built for the last 18 years. and you wanna know the truth? im scared. i am so scared. scared i will fail. scared i cant make it on my own. scared i wont make friends. scared me and my roomie wont get along/ scared i will make bad decisions. scared to grow up. i am scared to grow up. mom keeps saying that it will be ok, ill be home again soon. and i try to explain to her that yes, i will, but its not the same. everytime i have gone somewhere before, on vacation, to camp, to visit family, yes i was away from home, but i always knew that i would be going home for good. now i know that i am moving out, and when i do come back home its just to visit. its not permanent like it has been. i know im on my own now. and it scared me. things are changing and i dont like it. im afraid of change cuz it could end up worse. i am afraid to leave the life i have always known. and i am sad. i have cried more in the last couple of days than i have probably in the last couple of years, and frankly that worries me cuz it doesnt seem like any of my friends are feeling like this. im not sure whats wrong with me. i should be excited to go off to college, to be independent, to do what i want when i want. but im not. i hope i can make it in college and not run home. im just so upset. more than i should be. im gonna miss everybody so much. i said goodbye to my friends friday night, with a trip to starbucks. im gonna miss them. i love them all to death. and i know we all say we will keep in touch and stuff, and im sure we will at first, but i know things are different now. we will all get busy with life and make new friends and build new lives and inevitably we will drift. and that makes me sad. ill also miss my family so much. so so much. ill miss my mom. and bob too. and ill miss the rest of my family too i guess. even if nobody came to sa goodbye to me. that hurt my feelings i guess. my grandma came to say goodbye. my next door neighbors came to say goodbye. but my aunt, my aunt and unlce, and my sisters family did not stop by or even call. whatever. just hurt my feelings a little i guess. i need to go to bed cuz i have to wake up in about 6 hours to get on our way to purdue to get there at our soecified move in time. but im not tired. im too sad and scared. all day, i have felt sick, and i know its just my nerves. i shouldnt feel like this. i should be excited. so why arent i?