Maybe surrounded by a million people I still feel all alone

[Home-Blake Sheldon]

so now BGR is over. and i seriously feel rather sad. wednesday night was the worst. i felt sooooooo homesick. during BGR we were in these groups. and the groups did pretty much everything together. so it was like i had people to hang with. maybe even felt like friends. and then wednesday night was the send- off ceremonies. and after that we arent in groups anymore. and i havent really made any new friends. bridgette is really nice and we are doing stuff together. but she has other friends. and there are like 2 people from my high school here, but they are busy. and i did meet 2 new girls and we are supposed to hang out sometime but i feel weird about calling them cuz i dont really know them. i miss my group.

i miss my group cuz they were really cool. most of them were the kind of people who are cool, much cooler than me. and poplular. much more popular than me. and fun and outgoing. much more so than me. i liked hanging out with them cuz people like me dont get to hang out with people like them usually due to the law of social levels. i am at a lower and less cool social level than the rest of the people in my group. so for once, i felt cool. i felt like i was in a social level i am not in. i was happy to hang out with them. and they were nice to me most of the time. even though i knew i didnt belong there. they knew it too but they tried to make me feel included for the short time we were together. and now that we arent in groups together anymore, i have dropped back down to that lower social level. and i dont have anyone to hang out with anymore. and people keep saying to me "well just get their number or ask to hang out." really? i cant do that. like i said, the law of social levels doesnt allow that.

and i was feeling sad and homesick. cuz its was like, first i had to leave my friends and family which was terribly sad and traumatic. then i got put in this group and we had fun together and chilled together, then they took that away from me too. plus, everybody was talking about what friends they made during BGR and i really didnt make any. so i felt alone. most of the time i eat alone. which sucks. and is really awkward btw. i feel out of place. not cool at all.