It is so easy to see dysfunction between you and me

[Nothing Lasts Forever-Maroon 5]

so something strange happened today. my father stopped telling me he loved me, like when ending phone calls and such. its a weird feeling, and i dont know exactly how i feel about it. its like this: no matter if the words were true or not, we always said them, because thats what we were supposed to do. and as long as we said them, we were taking a stab at normalcy. at least we were pretending. and as long as we were pretending, it gave me some semblance of a normal relationship with him. then he stopped saying it. finally the true feelings showed themselves. and i guess im sad, even though i firgured this would happen eventually. im not exactly sad that he feels this way. im sad that we cant be normal. sad because it shouldnt be like this. sad because i dont know why it ended up like this. a tiny little part of me wonders if i did something wrong, or if i should have done more, but i refuse to dwell on that too much, because i know that i didnt do this.