Oh boy

so. there is this boy. his name is ryan. he is bretts (errrcas boyfriend) frat brother. we have met before, but we hung out at a frat party i went to a few weeks ago. the monday after the party, he stopped by work and asked me out to hang out sometime. i didnt think much of it. i gave him my number and figured he was just being nice. he texted me later that night. we had lunch the next day. he invited me to go somewhere with him over the weekend, but i couldnt go. he invited me to go to a concert with him next weekend. i dunno if ill go. he texted me all tuesday and wednesday. on wednesday after work he took me with him and some of his other frat brothers to a local band music show thing. thursday night he invited me over to the frat to play beer die with him. something happened thursday night that freaked me out, though it wasnt really his fault, and i ended up leaving rather abruptly in the middle of hanging out. he tried texting me and i ignored him. the next night i was hanging out with errrca and she told me he was very legitly concerned about me after i left. i felt bad, but i couldnt help it. i was scared. not that he scared me, more like i was scared by a situation he was associated with, and therefore by him. it doesnt really make sense i guess, but thats just how i felt. he texted me the next day, asking if i was ok and apologizing, and i finally talked to him. we are ok again. he went out of town for the weekend and i found myself kinda... wishing he wasnt. not because i missed him exactly, but because i know that if he is around, i dont have to be alone cuz he always wants to hang out with me. he texted me again today and asked me to hang out with him this week, when he found out his work schedule. he texted me later and asked me to hang out with him this week because the frat is doing alot of stuff for grand prix week. bad movie night tuesday, bowling wednesday, cookout and beer die thursday. i said i would hang out with him. i was hanging out with errrca tonight and she said that she picked up vibes of legit interest towards me, and she said that ryan had mentioned something to brett about being interested in me. i do not know for sure, as ryan has not come out and said this in so many words to me. all i can do is hope this is not true.



and this is the point where most people, myself included, read the previous statement and say, "kayla, wtf??? a boy is interested in you and you hope its not true?" yes, i guess thats what im saying. its complicated i suppose. for one... its ryan. ryan. come on now. i think he is fun to hang out with.. but would you really date a guy like him? i dunno. i mean he is really nice to me, very laid back, almost too laid back really. he is fun, and he does fun things. he is rather quirky, and he definately does his own thing without caring what other people think. i think he is fun to hang out with, but none of that means i want to date him.



he has something else working against him. something that i know is hugely unfair, and is really not his fault. i want him to be joel. and he is not, nor will he ever be. they are two opposite people, for the most part. i know its not fair really, but i keep thinking "why does it have to be ryan? why cant it be joel?" its problematic really, because i am so very hung up on joel. i could miss out on alotta other great people all because of this stupid boy. but whats a girl to do?



anyways, i could be blowing this way outta proportion. ryan could very well just think i am pretty badass to hang out with, because i am. maybe he just wants to be my friend. i really dunno at this point.