You would not understand. This is not how I am. I have become comfortably numb

[Comfortably Numb-Pink Floyd]

i had a conflicting weekend. i had fun all weekend. everything was great, and i had a good time doing everything i did. i didnt do a single bit of hw, studying, cleaning or sleeping. my lungs hurt like a bitch after the last few days. looking back, i feel like i should not have had a good time. its hard to explain. somtimes i feel bad about the things i do, cuz i feel like i should be trying to stop because this isnt really me. and sometimes i feel bad because i dont feel bad. like... sometimes i am totally ok with what i do, and i feel like i shouldnt be. nobody else is. i dunno. hmmf.