And I miss you more than I should, than I thought I could. I can't get my mind off of you

[The Fear You Won't Fall-Joshua Radin]

he said "we are alot alike, you and me."

this is not true.

yes, we are alike in some ways. we are two impossibly lazy people. we despise running and nerdy kids who play HvZ on campus, we refuse to eat vegetables, and we openly laugh at and make fun of people. superficially, yes, we are similar in some ways.

but i am not like you. i am kind. i am dependable. i actually care. when i say i will do something, or be somewhere, i do it. i dont make empty promises, and i dont get your hopes up just to crush them. i take care of you. i do so much for you.

he bailed on me again. i know i should not count on him. i know i should not get my hopes up. but i thought that this time would be different because it wasnt just me this time. but it didnt matter. he only does what he wants to do, it doesnt matter.

you told me that i am one of the only people who actually cares. you admitted i am the only one who makes sure you are ok. you told me you are so glad you met me. you said we were friends. sometimes, it doesnt seem like it.

i keep wishing he will change. maybe, if i do more for him, maybe if i give him everything you ask for, he will be different. people never change. he will not change.

and the thing is, i know this. i know he will not change. i know i cant make him change. i know he will not change for me. and for now, i know i will stay. i know i will keep making excuses for him. i will keep defending him. i will keep doing everything for him. because i am stupid.