[Halos-Under the Flood]
i packed some of my stuff up to move back to WL. and this made me strangely sad. ever since i got home, all i wanted was to go back. now that im going back, im not 100% sure its what i want. it makes me sad to leave behind my parents, and my friends. my mom is really sad, and it makes me sad to make her sad. i realized today that i wont make it home for fathers day like i promised because katie has already scheduled me to work. i dunno if ill make it home for moms birthday either. it just seems like i am missing important things and i feel selfish. dani said "its not like you are leaving just to leave." but actually i am. i just used summer class as an excuse to leave. i probably could have taken math next semester. but i didnt want to stay in marion all summer. so i might have exaggerated the importance of taking the class over the summer.
meghan told me today that she would rather me just stay home in marion and be bored than move in with joel. and i wonder if i made a mistake. i worry. im gonna be living with him all summer. i'll be honest. that is a whole lotta me to deal with. and then we go right into the next semester. we scheduled every single class of every single day together. now i realize that we will do our own thing over the summer, and wont see each other too much with class and work and stuff. but still. i worry that he will get ridiculously tired of me, because im fairly certain even i would get tired of me.
and im really worried about my classes. i cant do math, and this is about to be insanely difficult. yay. it is gonna be really difficult.
and i talked to katie today. she said i will never get scheduled for more than 30 hours, probably more like in the 20s. great. how the fuck am i supposed to save money for college? and pay for living? i have no idea. thank you villa for fucking me over. awesome.
and these are the sorts of things i worry about. alot.
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