Hmm.. Its good to see you have dreams, I guess.

"My goal is to graduate and buy a Ferrari and blow coke off the dashboard"

*disclaimer: this is not my goal. i did not say this.

Beeboop.

soo i guess i cant really be mad at him this time. he didnt bail on me intentionally. he drowned his phone in some alcohol on friday and wont get a replacement for a week or two. that doesnt mean i take back what i said, because i feel that all that still holds true, it just might not pertain to this time exactly.

Thats useful i suppose.

-"damn, your hands are really cold."

-"well warm them up for me.... oh! when i was in boy scouts, they told us if our hands got extremely cold, to stick them down our pants cuz thats the warmest place on our body."

-"....um im going to advise against that right now."

And I miss you more than I should, than I thought I could. I can't get my mind off of you

[The Fear You Won't Fall-Joshua Radin]

he said "we are alot alike, you and me."

this is not true.

yes, we are alike in some ways. we are two impossibly lazy people. we despise running and nerdy kids who play HvZ on campus, we refuse to eat vegetables, and we openly laugh at and make fun of people. superficially, yes, we are similar in some ways.

but i am not like you. i am kind. i am dependable. i actually care. when i say i will do something, or be somewhere, i do it. i dont make empty promises, and i dont get your hopes up just to crush them. i take care of you. i do so much for you.

he bailed on me again. i know i should not count on him. i know i should not get my hopes up. but i thought that this time would be different because it wasnt just me this time. but it didnt matter. he only does what he wants to do, it doesnt matter.

you told me that i am one of the only people who actually cares. you admitted i am the only one who makes sure you are ok. you told me you are so glad you met me. you said we were friends. sometimes, it doesnt seem like it.

i keep wishing he will change. maybe, if i do more for him, maybe if i give him everything you ask for, he will be different. people never change. he will not change.

and the thing is, i know this. i know he will not change. i know i cant make him change. i know he will not change for me. and for now, i know i will stay. i know i will keep making excuses for him. i will keep defending him. i will keep doing everything for him. because i am stupid.

Steve.

went to the indy zoo with errrca and brett today. it was a pretty good time. i like hanging out with them. even though they are dating, they are not super couply. they dont constantly hang all over each other like brack and jabecca do. we got to pet some sharks, and we named a penguin steve, and made brett pet a lizard, and decided we were gonna steal animals, and made fun of people, and hated all the little children that were there. it was fun.

i wish he meant the things he said :(

Plans

im excited. i have things to look forward to. hanging out with joel tomorrow. gettin drnkafuck with errbody on friday. zoo on saturday with errrca. hoorah :)